Doctor Bunny mystery 3: “The tale of Edna the Gun”

Since their joint adventure of “Rufus is in Love” in which Doctor Bunny, Edna, her faithful companion, together with Rufus the dog, had managed to retrieve the stolen photographs of Lady Beresford, the relationship between doctor Bunny and the Countess has improved considerably.

Perhaps it was their joint experience of being in mortal peril together, helplessly tied up and gagged, at the mercy of a ruthless and sadistic murderer. Perhaps it was because Bunny knows so much more about Lady Beresford’s hidden secrets and her rather humble but very scandalous past.

She now views her with different eyes. Lady Beresford does appear to the outside world as the arrogant stiff, highborn upper class aristocrat, as is befitting to her elevated status, but in reality behind the mask she is still that lower middle class daughter of an accountant with a rather kinky past. As it often happens, once actors start playing a role, they become the character. Lady Beresford’s role has become a habit to her and a part of her personality, but underneath that varnish there is still a commoner with a warm and caring heart, albeit larded with a couple of rather eccentric streaks, and armed with a rather big pair of claws. Lady Beresford is fiercely intelligent, indominable, a great actress and a terrific manipulator and schemer, a true opportunist with a very keen eye for where to pounce where she perceives a weakness or an edge she can exploit, and a woman that can be utterly ruthless and devoid of all morals at times in her actions when she moves in for the kill.

In brief, she is a top human social predator. It is a quality that Doctor Bunny greatly admires in her. She’s a true survivor that can hold her own as a single woman. But it also makes her very wary of her. Countess Beresford is a very dangerous woman, but it is definitely good to have such friends and allies, Bunny muses.

Today three generations of “Thalia, the Teignmouth society of the arts” artists have gathered in doctor Bunny’s loungeroom for a joint painting and sculpting session. Lady Beresford, 66 years old, Doctor Bunny, 42 years old, and Rose, the 17 year old daughter of the local stone magnate that will go to art school in London next season. Edna, Doctor Bunny’s companion and housemate, has agreed to privately do some nude modelling for them.

Edna is a 35 year old ivory skinned emerald eyed tall and willowy 5ft 10”, 16Olbs rosy cheeked redhead with a magnificent long and thick unruly flame red mane that she usually keeps in check in a tight braid up to the low nape of her back.

Rose watches her nude model admiringly. “Oh my god! Edna! You are so beautiful! Have you also been modelling for Sandro Botticelli when he painted his famous `Birth of Venus’? she chuckles. “No Rose! Edna is even better than Botticelli’s Venus!” Lady Beresford comments gently. “Look at that big wave of flame fanning out here, and how sleek and athletic Edna’s build is. You are looking at a racehorse here!” she grins. “Solid observation Lady Beresford!” Doctor Bunny replies with an impish smile. “Look at those big powerful haunches over there, and those legs that go on and on forever!” she chuckles.

Edna has really had it now! “Now if you guys would please cut it out now!” she fumes. “I’m just your nude model here, so keep your mouth shut and paint… for whatever it’s good for! Dammit! “

Yes! That is Edna, doctor Bunny’s faithful companion and everything else. Although Edna is a local girl, and not exactly a filly anymore, she is still a very beautiful and attractive woman, but in spite of all of that, the locals tread wearily about her. She is `Edna the Gun’, as the locals call her over here! As the story goes, she is a cold blooded murderer that has killed her own husband and singlehandedly got rid of his body. Being the undisputed UK small arms Ladies champion for four consecutive years with her Smith and Wesson, she was sentenced to jail for murder, but in appeal doctor Bunny had managed to clear her of all charges.

Yep! The combination of that face with the stunning beauty and perfection of a classical river nymph with her deadly reputation of being one of the most lethal and accomplished female weapons experts in the UK for the past decade all makes it rather hard to digest and put into place for the traditional minds in Teignmouth. The gossips of her ugly past still persevere, and now, on top of that, she even lives together with a woman than might be even worse than her!

“I was wondering, and perhaps I am way out of line here, but there are some nasty persistent rumours going around here about two pretty women living together in a cottage. Are you and Edna perhaps, like..ermm.. that?” Rose ventures tentatively.

“No comment, Rose! I know you are young and curious about such things, but what happens in our separate bedrooms remains private!” doctor Bunny puts Rose into her place. “Love sometimes moves in mysterious ways, but there is much more to this, you know? How about Edna and me are best friends forever, and together we make a magnificent team? We are both talented and independent women. In fact, me and Edna write most of my murder mysteries together, and she is a very talented writer on her own as well. Perhaps you should read one of hers for a change. So yeah! What is the use? Why should the both of us desperately need men and husbands?” she grins.

“Yes! Agreed, you are both formidable women! But there is much more to this isn’t it? Have you noticed the scar tissue on Edna’s back Rose?” Lady Beresford raises one eyebrow questioningly. “Reminds me of the old Emily Daniels case you were on when you were still in the Yard back then Bunny! Rose, I have a gut feeling that these two ladies here also share a couple of very dark secrets between them, am I right ?” she adds with a conspirational smile on her face.

“ Oh my god! There goes the old bat again! Can we ever keep anything secret from you lady Beresford?” doctor Bunny raises her hands in desperation. “Oh well I have just been pondering about this for years” Lady Beresford answers in a light tone.

“Should we tell them Edna?” doctor Bunny asks uncertainly. “Oh well, why not Bunny? Except for Rose, we are all murderers here aren’t we Lady Beresford? Shall I put a name to it or shall we just leave it, as we’re all friends here?” Edna challenges Lady Beresford while she holds her eyes intently. There is a sudden flash of anger there, to be instantly replaced by an enigmatic smile that could mean anything.

“No comment!” she answers with a small smile on my face. “Now go on!” she gestures. “The three of us already share a bond, so whatever secrets you might have are safe with me, and I am sure that young Rose over here will be able to keep her mouth shut as well!” she shrugs.

“Oh well, If that is the case, I suppose you won’t mind if I put my bathrobe back on? I’m getting damn cold here in my bare skin!” Edna cuts in. And then subsequently she lands a bomb right into the middle of the conversation that will change everything for the rest of their artistic afternoon.

“So in brief, for all you want to know! Here you have it! Simple! I killed my own husband to save doctor Bunny’s life, and in return doctor Bunny killed superintendent Wallace from Scotland Yard to save mine. Is that good enough for you? ” Edna snorts in barely veiled anger.

“Oh my God! I’m truly sorry! How awful! I always thought that Tremonti the Italian gangster had killed him. It was all over the news back then. That got him hanged, didn’t it?” Lady Beresford exclaims. “Oh dear! So you also have the death of an innocent on your conscience have you?” she blurts out with a worried expression on her face. “ Oh don’t think Tremonti innocent. He really was a monster! I just helped out justice a bit here!” doctor Bunny shrugs. “But it was indeed the reason I had to leave the Yard” she sighs.

So why don’t me and Edna start at the beginning while I put the kettle on? She continues.

And so the tale of Edna the Gun begins.

“I married Glenn when I was 21 years old and just had finished my nurses training. He was quite handsome at that time and he courted me like a real cavalier. Flowers, presents and all that stuff, took me out dancing, to the movies. All of that romantic hubbub. Glenn was 31 at that time, and he made his living as a used car salesman, doing quite well. He was a real smooth talker with charm and wit. He dressed smartly and had manners. He could really talk you into anything. I fell for him like a sack of cannoli’s. We would have kids, live in a big house, and live happily ever after” Edna sighs. “How wrong I was! The moment we got married he turned like a leaf on a tree. There was something very unsettling about him. I found him completely devoid of any morals or conscience, utterly ruthless, and ice cold and calculating. He was also very manipulative. Not that sweet and caring husband I fell for, but instead a psycho, a sociopath and something even worse! He was a real tyrant, and made me do all kinds of awful and humiliating things for him. That really turned him on… ermmm sexually!” Edna explains haltingly with an embarrassed look on her face. “And when I did something wrong or didn’t comply fully with his wishes, he would take me down to that awful workshop of his in the basement to correct me, and teach me proper behaviour” she winces.

“Oh my god! Is that where you got all those scars from? What a monster!” Lady Beresford grasps with a horrified expression on her face. Edna merely nods sadly. “Yes! He always cleverly inflicted those on the spots where nobody would notice, so we could play happy family to the outside world. It was a nightmare! I was a married woman, and nobody would believe me if I told them. “ she sighs. But then one day he almost strangled me. I really thought he would kill me, you know! Then I decided that enough was enough. I took my dad’s old army issue revolver, put it to his head and made it very clear that if he ever laid hands on me again, I would snuff him out, just like that! As a reminder I put two bullet holes in the wall. Each of them very close to his testicles. He was scared so shitless that he wetted himself” Edna smiles snugly. “ After that we slept in separate bedrooms and things calmed down for me. The gun gave me confidence and I started training vigorously with it. I always had it with me, just in case he would try again. Well of course I might have been off the hook, but apparently other young women weren’t. Some of them started disappearing without a trace” Edna sighs.

“Ahh yes! The Emily Daniels case! I remembered that one all too well. That horrible mass grave. Those poor girls. And they never caught the killer, didn’t they? That is where Doctor Bunny comes into the story, isn’t it?” Lady Beresford cuts in.

“Yes! That is where Bunny comes in, and Rufus as well!” Edna nods to doctor Bunny.

“Yes the local police had called in the Yard for help after the disappearance of Emily Daniels, and they decided to send superintendent Wallace and me to investigate. They also thought it a good idea that I take Rufus, their top police dog with me. Rufus is most excellent in sniffing out corpses. He might therefore come in handy, because we already expected the worst.

We were staying at the Blue Anchor. After rummaging through the `lost persons’ files of the Devon police on the first day I instantly saw the pattern. It was clear to me that we had a serial killer on our hands. You know, not only do I have a medical degree, but also one in forensic psychology, and under Professor Edwards I had written my masters on the new investigative technique of `profiling’. The Yard was very interested in my work and research, and offered me a job. So I put together a profile on our serial killer, but superintendent Wallace is a super traditional cop that goes by the book and, also because I am a woman, dismisses my theory instantly. To him the case is clear. Over 90% of all homicides and manslaughters happen in domestic circles. So, with the flick of his wrist, all of my hard work flies down the bin, and I am on to interviewing friends and relatives.” She sighs

“To me it was obvious. This was a traveller, a stranger, a cold and calculating psychopath, not a stupid local acting on a whim of passion. The disappearances of young women always occurred on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and he never struck in the same district twice. This was obviously a guy who owned a car and travelled in a professional capacity. He also plied his grisly trade as far away from his home base as possible to avoid suspicion. That became obvious when I pinned down all of the locations of the disappearances on the map with cocktail pins. To my astonishment the centre of the nucleus happened to be right here in Teignmouth. So quite probably there was a serial killer right here under our very noses. Travelling salesman with a car, male, probably in his mid-30’s to 40’s was my estimate. So I decided to do some covert investigations on my own on my daily walks with Rufus through the village” doctor Bunny continues. “Didn’t bring me much further, but it apparently did call attention to my investigations, because to my astonishment one evening I discovered a note someone had pushed under my hotel room door in the Blue Anchor. `If you want to know what happened to Emily Daniels you might want to check on a travelling used car salesman around here. Proceed with care! ’ it said.

“That was you, wasn’t it Edna?” Lady Beresford intervenes enthusiastically.

Edna nods. “Yes, that was me. I had these suspicions about Glenn already for quite some time. Men like him don’t stop, you know! I also saw the pattern. And even if my clue proved wrong, it would finally give me a chance to get rid of him and expose him for what he really is. A very dangerous pervert. “ she shrugs.

“I was accidentally just listening in on the conversation you had with Mrs Goldsmith, the grocer, and I deducted that you were that lady detective from Scotland Yard, sent in from London to investigate the disappearance of Emily Daniels, so I took the opportunity to give the investigation a push in the right direction with an anonymous note” she grins.

“What we both didn’t know was that I had also caught the attention of the psycho killer himself by asking too much too obvious questions in Teignmouth” doctor Bunny adds. “So after I found the note, I decided to pick op Rufus at the police station the next morning and together we’d pay a visit to Glenn, our travelling used car salesman who just happened to fit my serial killer profile so perfectly.

“But, Yes! It is always the same with me I’m afraid! Due to my famous bad luck and notorious clumsiness and stupidity, the serial killer just beat me to it.” He grabbed me just before I could nick him!” Bunny continues with a self-depreciating smile. Just when I opened my car door on the closed parking lot of the Blue Anchor to head for the police station to pick up Rufus he grabbed me from behind and pushed a cloth soaked in a sweet and heavy smelling liquid tightly over my mouth and nose. “Shit! Chloroform! I thought in panic! Of course I know that particular smell all too well from the Yard laboratory, but then it was already too late. I struggled all I could, and then all went black.

When I regained consciousness I found myself stripped, and tightly tied up and gagged on my belly on a table in something that looked to me like a workshop. I suddenly grew very frightened. I would also disappear without a trace after he was done with me just like the other girls, and nobody was going to save me! He had lashed me tightly to the table top in a very tight hogtie, and I could hardly move. All I could do was mewl through my cruel gag, but nobody was going to hear my muffled cries for help.

And he just left me laying there all day. I was hungry, thirsty, cold, arms and legs already numb, cramps all over my body, waiting there in terror for the inevitable. All I could do is sob, drool and mewl a bit through my gag. I hope he makes it quick was finally all I could think of. Strange isn’t it? I really didn't care anymore about my life, I wasn't scared anymore, I only wanted my ordeal to be over with.

And then when night falls he finally shows up. He really has something with asphyxiation, I quickly found out. He clamps a hand over my mouth and pinches my nostrils shut. I cannot breathe, I struggle and struggle and just when I start to pass out, he releases his grip, so I can finally get a gulp of air. And then he starts all over again! Eventually all I can do is sob and grasp for air. Then he retreats and lets me come to my senses a bit. Finally he releases the loops that strap me to the table, unties my legs, lets me stand next to the table and then he bends me over. He unzips his pants and loops my own pantyhose around my neck. I know what he will do next, and that will be the end of me. Just when he is about to thrust and pull his pantyhose garotte tight…BENGGGG! I feel warm blood and gore splashing all over my back, then he quivers in his death throes and slowly slides off me like a piece of jelly.

“Yes ladies! My saviour, Edna the Gun, has arrived” doctor Bunny announces with a broad theatrical gesture while she smiles fondly at her companion. Applause and cheers for Edna from the ladies.

“After she tied me loose and removed that horrible gag, she put her coat around me and comforted me tenderly. I was so overcome with emotion that all I could do is sob and sob. I just couldn’t stop!” Bunny winces at the memory. When I finally regained some composure again, I quickly put on my clothes, and together we drove to her house in Glenn’s car. There she fixed us dinner, and afterwards we just talked and talked until the break of dawn. It turned out that Edna had really dreaded the day that she would have to blow the brains out of her husband, but she knew that eventually it would come to this, and she had prepared thoroughly. As all of you know, Edna is a very bright and intelligent girl. She had two guns, her regular competition gun and her father’s gun that nobody knew of. And she had already made plans to get rid of his body. Nitric Acid! Years back she had secretly acquired a 42 gallon barrel and kept it stored in the garden shed. At the break of day, we drove back to Glenn’s warehouse with the barrel of Nitric acid in the trunk, and there, together, we plied our grisly work. As a doctor and a coroner I do have experience with these things, so we dragged Glenn’s corpse into the back of the yard. There I bisected and dismembered him, and we put all the parts of Glenn and his clothes into the barrel of Nitric Acid, where he dissolved completely. So after letting Glenn bubble and froth for three days, in the weekend, under the pretext of going home to London to visit friends and family, I took out Glenn’s car, which we had hidden from view, drove over to the cliffs, and emptied the barrel in the ocean. Then I drove all the way up to the north to Scotland, and there, in the middle of the night, I set the car ablaze and pushed it over the cliff into the ocean as well. I returned by train to Teignmouth as if nothing had happened.” Bunny grinned. “Of course, in the meantime a very worried and upset Mrs Wainwright over here had reported to the Police that her husband had not returned from his weekly business trip” doctor Bunny reveals snugly to her totally abashed audience. Young Rose just sits there completely slack jawed, but the reaction of Lady Beresford is completely different. “Bravo! Such amazing ruthlessness and resourcefulness! That is the perfect murder isn’t it?” she claps enthusiastically.

“Oh yeah! Were it only the prefect murder Lady Beresford ! This one had a very nasty tail as it turned out” Bunny smiles sadly. “Of course first I had to devote myself to the grisly task of finding the bodies of Glenn’s victims.

With Glenn also gone missing, we now had two missing persons cases at our hands, so I deftly convinced Wallace that I should take over the Wainwright case, to which he grudgingly agreed. Of course I knew that I wasn’t going to be particularly successful on that one, as Glenn was currently floating in a zillion molecules all over the Atlantic Ocean, but it gave me the perfect opportunity to retrace his steps and whereabouts and keep in close contact with a verry worried Mrs Wainwright- sitting meekly over there-. Edna had revealed the terrible secret that Glenn had kept in a box under the boards of his bedroom. A trophy box with personal belongings of all of his victims. And she turned out a great help in retracing his steps. Together we are a magnificent team you know! In the end after two weeks of sniffing and digging me and Rufus finally found it!

Now the big issue was how to point the location of the shallow graves of the victims to the police without establishing any connection to the Wainwright case. Of course we did that quite masterfully with Glenn’s trophy box. There was a pendant with an E in it, which we suspected had belonged to poor Emily. So I fabricated the story that a mother had contacted me that her son had found something out in the country that might belong to the missing girl. I dashed into Wallace’s office bouncing with excitement that we might have our breakthrough in the Daniels case. Of course Wallace immediately took over and had bounded off with the pendant to get confirmation from her family. After getting his confirmation, he directs the whole force, including me and Rufus, to the place of the find. Of course there we find the rest of Glenn’s trophy box, buried in front of a wild rose bush, and Rufus expertly sniffs out all of the graves of the missing girls. As the forensic expert from the yard, he leaves me in charge of clearing and handling everything, while he informs the family and makes a press conference.

Wallace is all over the place and all over the news for the next month with the horror story of his grisly graveyard, while in the meantime me and my colleagues from the yard in London are busy establishing the identity of each of Glenn’s victims. Thanks to his treasure box, we were able to pinpoint every one of them, and at least wrap this part of the investigation up. But the killer? Yeah that is another matter. Of course my Wainwright investigation runs into a dead end, and to his own frustration that famous Wallace from the yard doesn’t get an inch closer to his serial killer. Because every promising lead that he finds, gets expertly wiped out behind his back by his forensic expert!” Bunny chuckles.

But unfortunately Wallace was not really done with all of this. After I had returned to London, like that bulldog he is, he had dug his jaws into the Wainwright case, convinced as he was that Mrs had killed Mr Wainwright. For his breed of men women that are good with weapons are an abhorrence. So after some six months suddenly Edna was taken into custody and charged with murder. The great Wallace again was all over the news again. He had found the gun with which she shot him, and forensic evidence proved him right. Of course that was impossible, because only I knew that Edna had two guns. Her competition gun couldn’t possibly be the one he presented here as the evidence. To me it was clear that he had tampered with it, but of course I was already off the case and couldn’t meddle in it anymore. Moreover I couldn’t show my hand in all of this, because, after all, she did kill him, and I was her accomplice in getting rid of the body. If Edna would only keep her mouth shut and get herself a good lawyer, she would be in de clear I figured. Murder without a body? It is one of the essential elements of a homicide charge, and a very logical one. You have to prove that he is dead! That is a very hard one to prove beyond doubt when you don’t have a body. But then the impossible happens. The judge happens to be an old Eton buddy of Wallace, again the great Wallace from the Yard performs a magnificent show in court, and poor Edna goes to jail without a shred of legal evidence for murder.

I always found Wallace an utmost annoying condescending prick, but now it suddenly became very personal. This was war! “Now I am going to take you down and utterly destroy you Wallace” I promised myself. So I raised some money, found myself a very good lawyer, and immediately launched an appeal.

Then I went to what I do best. My expertise in forensic psychology as a profiler. When I dug into his personality, I found out that in a sense Wallace is just as whacked as Glenn Wainwright the serial killer. Both are sociopaths with a narcissistic personality disorder. Both are very vengeful. So to look for his soft spot, look at his defeats and the people who outsmarted him or stood up to him successfully. There you find your angle. Tremonti, the Italian gangster. Suddenly I saw it. The great Wallace’s nemesis. Deftly slipped away from justice every time. The stain on his brilliant career. And that case with that gun of Tremonti he had never been able to nail. Is it still in the archives of the yard somewhere? I decided to check out the file and the evidence. The file is there, the type of the gun is there, and the serial number, but…. No gun in the evidence box. So I checked on the archive visitors register and.. Yes he had been there six months ago, for the Tremonti case. I asked for a signed copy of that from the clerk, asked for a signed copy of the original file, and then we submitted a request for a counter examination of the gun to the appeals court. Guys like Wallace have many friends, admirers and brownnosers in the Yard and protectors in high places, but they also make many enemies. And one of them happens to be my boss, Ewan Mc Cawley from the forensic department. So I forged my own secret alliance and agreed that we would provide the counter evidence in appeal, expose him as a fraud, and take him down for good.

When we got hold of his gun it became all clear. Same type that Edna shoots, but with the same serial number as Tremonti’s gun. Clear case of fabricated evidence. And we also left no shred whole of the forensic report he had filed in court to get his conviction. Ewan Mc Cawley is one of the most noted experts on guns and ballistics in the world, and he had dug in here with gusto!

I was called as an expert witness for the defence, and I really utterly destroyed that great Wallace there, exposing him as a fraud that had tampered with the evidence, and moreover branding him in my capacity of a noted forensic psychologist as a sociopath with a narcissistic personality disorder that would rather send an innocent to jail than to admit that he got it all wrong here and find the real guilty ones.

Yeah! That really took him down for good. The great Wallace was all over the news again but not in any way he would have liked it. The Yard had no choice but to discharge him dishonourably. He was a pariah now. Nobody of importance would have anything to do with him anymore.

In the meantime Edna was released immediately after the verdict, and I invited her to move in with me for the moment to catch up and get her some breathing space again after her time in prison, as she wasn’t particularly fond of moving back to Teignmouth before the dust had settled down a bit. It was good. Now I could finally repay her a bit for all that she had done for me. I could cuddle, hug and comfort her when she had hard times, or haunting memories, and we would talk and talk until the break of dawn.

Unfortunately Wallace wasn’t done with us yet.

One day I return from work in the evening and I find Edna missing. I check the apartment and suddenly I feel the barrel of a gun pressed against my head. Guess who it is? “ Wallace!” comes the reply from Bunny’s audience. And you know what happens next? “Of course you get tied up and gagged again!” they chuckle.

“Yes indeed ladies. He pulls out a rope out of his pocket and he ties my hands tightly behind my back. Then he drapes my coat over my shoulders and with his gun pressed against my ribs we walk downstairs and over to his car. He drives me to a warehouse on the docks. When we arrive there, first he gags me tightly with a piece of cloth with a knot in the middle, and then ushers me into the building where we move up the stairs to the second floor. There I find poor Edna. “Oh my god what have you done to her!” I try to exclaim, but of course only muffled sounds escape my gag. There she shits, tied to a chair, completely stripped naked, in a totally humiliating and agonizing position with a cruel gag in her mouth. Her legs are spread wide and are tied to the back legs of the chair, so that only her toes barely reach the floor for support. Her hands are cruelly tied behind the back or her chair, and her head is wrenched all the way back because her long braid is connected with ropes to both of her ankles. She can only look up and barely look down, but she knows I’m there, because she welcomes me with a plaintive Mfffff!

Wallace moves over to her. She has been sitting here tied up like this all day from 10 am he explains. Of course finally he, the great Wallace, had figured it all out what had happened over there in Teignmouth he explains. The Daniels and the Wainwright case were connected, and of course he had found out that he had a traitor on the team that had meticulously erased all evidence behind him. He would never had been able to make it stick in court, but of course he couldn’t let the both of them get away with it, so he devised a plan to get to the murderer first and then deal with the traitor later.

“I really underestimated you Doctor Bunny” he admits. That was vanity and negligence on my own behalf. The Tremonti case. “You nailed it! You are a very good detective, and caught me exactly on my soft spot! I’ll give you that!” he says. But he is not going to let the both of us get away with this, he announces, and he has also invited Tremonti to the party to get his final revenge on all of us.

He takes out his pocket knife and slips it open. He is going to slit Enda’s throat and let her bleed out like a pig in front of me he announces. And then suddenly all the fuses popped in my head. I charge him with my hands tied behind my back, knee him viciously in the nuts, and when he doubles over, I headbutt him so damn hard with all of that berserk rage that explodes in me. Completely stunned and in agony, he topples backwards. I dive for the revolver, roll over, and with my hands behind my back! BENGGGG! First shot hits him between his legs in the nuts. He squeals like a pig. And then I raise myself. BENG! BENG! BENG! BENG! I slam the next four rounds into his chest. And for the last one in the magazine. I bend down and with my hands behind back.. and BENG! put the last one between his eyes.

“Right! That should do it with you Wallace” I fume with the foam of pure rage still coming out of my mouth. I quickly retrieve his bared pocketknife and start cutting my hands behind my back loose.

Before I can get to Edna, I suddenly hear footsteps coming up the stairs. “Shit! Of course! Tremonti was also invited to the party here!” I realise in panic. I get hold of the empty gun again and quickly hide behind a pillar. Tremonti is completely flabbergasted when he sees a beautiful naked woman with her legs spread wide, all tied up and gagged in front of him. And I really must give Edna a big compliment for the presence of mind she displayed here. Once she spots him she starts to struggle and wriggle fiercely and Mffff’s on top of her lungs at him. That was all the distraction I needed. I silently slip behind him and BAFFF! With the butt of my revolver I cosh him out cold.

Then I cut Edna loose. Of course she is shaken after the horrible ordeal she has just been put through, but once again she surprises me with her quick thinking. “Quickly! Wallace chloro’d me when he got me! Look for the bottle” she urges. Turns out that fortunately Wallace still has it in his pocket, and that is just the perfect recipe for Tremonti who is just beginning to regain consciousness again. I chloro him out again, and then we have some more time to prep the place and set everything up to our liking on the crime scene.

Downstairs there is a phone in the office. I call one of my friends and tell him to call the Yard anonymously from a phone booth and urge them to come over here. Of course Tremonti gets Wallace’s gun after I cleaned it from my own fingerprints and we take his own with us to be disposed of later. The chair, the ropes and our gags disappear, we sweep and tidy up the place a bit with the broom we found in the corner to avoid all traces of an inconvenient struggle to us to make it a cold blooded murder. Unfortunately Edna’s clothes are nowhere to be found, so she gets my coat, and after I chloro Tremonti a bit more to make sure he’s not going anywhere, we leave through the backdoor. After a few blocks we manage to halt a cab and drive home. I quickly refresh myself a bit and change, because I know I can expect a phone call from the Yard any minute now. Of course Bunny was called and took charge of the forensic investigations at the crime scene of the Wallace murder and nicely wrapped everything up in her report. Doctor Bunny concludes her exposé with a big smile on her face.

“Oh my! How remarkable!” Lady Beresford observes admiringly. “Not only your heroic mad berserk charge at Wallace while you were tied up and gagged, Bunny, but also your quick recovery and brilliant thinking after your ordeal Edna!” she compliments the ladies. “You are truly a formidable, and very dangerous pair!”

Edna shrugs. “Oh Well I guess it must have been the adrenalin rush. I really had never seen the like, nor likely will I ever witness such a feat again, God Bless! I really thought that was the end of me, and then cute little pretty Bunny here turns into a demon and saves the day! The white male chauvinist pig that Wallace is, he simply couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He was completely taken aback. A woman attacking him? With her hands tied behind her back? But then it was too late for him when Bunny tore into him and completely savaged him. She was so brave, so reckless, so unconditionally going all out, giving everything she had,…..for me! Nobody has ever done that for me before!” Edna gets a lump in her throat and her eyes turn misty. “I suppose that that act of true and unconditional love and bravery really reinvigorated me. It boosted me so much, gave me so much power, and I was back on the job instantly” she resumes.

“Oh Wow! Just wow!” Young Rose just sits there, flabbergasted, slack jawed, unable to digest and process yet what she has just heard. “Incredible isn’t it, Rose?” Doctor Bunny rubs her shoulder affectionately.” Now let that be a lesson to you! You are young! You still have a whole life before you! Be brave, courageous, passionate and considerate. Follow your dreams, they are worth it, I can assure you! But NEVER, I repeat, NEVER! do these things we did. Dashing, heroic and reckless as they might seem to you now, they sure come at a heavy price. These are the things that will haunt you for the rest of your life. You really don’t want that on your platter with the whole world yet to conquer in front of you! How they blacken our souls don’t they? ” she looks around and the other ladies in the room nod in solemn agreement. “Sure do, Rose!” comes the sad affirmation from Lady Beresford and Edna.

After everybody just sits there for a moment in quiet contemplation doctor Bunny resumes her tale.

“Hoho! I’m not finished yet!” she grins. “” Of course you also want to know how I got kicked out of the Yard, don’t you?” “Uhum!” comes the reply from her audience.

“So after the whole turmoil around the Wallace murder, the Tremonti trial and his hanging had finally died down…-.Of course I was the expert witness for the prosecution that expertly nailed Tremonti’s coffin shut to tie up all the loose ends and put it all to rest- one morning my boss, Ewan Mc Cawley calls me into his office. With a sad smile he both pours us a drink and then he hands me over a paper. “ Your resignation papers from the force Bunny!” he explains. I shake my head incredulously. “ So this is how it works then at the Yard? I clean up the whole mess here, and after everything is neat and tidy again, you just throw me under the bus Ewan?” I blurt out.

“Say no more Bunny! I really hate to do this, but it is for your own good! Part of me really hates to see you leave. I am very fond of you. You are one of my best officers on the forensic team. You are so bright, so multi-talented, so full of energy and enthusiasm, so eager to learn. You can do it all! I really haven’t seen the like of this in my whole career! Post mortems, crime scene investigations and reconstructions, a marvellous dog trainer and handler, and of course your most innovative profiling techniques with your forensic psychiatric knowledge. “You were really that fresh breeze we had needed for so long in our dusty departments, but you are a loaded gun and every fresh breeze you cause turns into a storm over here.” he sighs.

“Look at Wallace, the great Wallace as he would like it. I am sure you studied him meticulously and pried out all of his weak spots. When he started out here, he was very good. Bright young lad, eager to learn, very determined, full of energy, and one that brings results and wraps up cases. Of course we all knew his flaws and that he was a bit of a psyche, but he was OUR psycho. And then this great Wallace runs into a head-on clash with you, doctor Bunny, and you completely destroy him, because he had crossed the line. Of course then we had no choice but to put the rabid dog out of his misery, but you really scared everybody shitless. The way you took him apart with ruthless surgical precision. I would really hate it to pull the trigger on you, because I know that you have the habit of cutting a corner here and there, and crossing the lines as well. You have made powerful enemies in high places who are very scared of you and perceive you as a threat. Be sure that they are looking an opportunity to take you down.” he warns her.

“Let me explain my observations… of course all hypothetical” he continues genially. You or that woman that is currently staying with you, Edna Wainwright, have killed her husband Glenn, who was the serial killer in the Daniels and the other missing girls case. The both of you made him disappear. That is the main reason that this case will never be solved. Don’t know the reason behind this, nor do I care. The killings stopped. He got what he deserved. I’m fine with that.” he grins. “Haha! And most amusing! That arrogant conceited prick of a Wallace didn’t have a clue what was happening behind his back! I spotted it instantly when I read the report. That day of your unaccounted absence, and the next day Mr. Wainwright disappears without a trace. I don’t believe much in coincidences you know? You both were in league weren’t you? I really enjoyed it the way you played that out Bunny. So the great Wallace firmly takes the lead in the investigation while in the meantime his faithful humble female assistant in his shadow meticulously cleans up all of the incriminating evidence behind his back in another murder case. And then you graciously allow Wallace his moment of greatness when suddenly the unmarked graves pop out of the air. Of course you clean up the whole mess again and then quietly leave the scene and return to London. In the meantime the great Wallace runs massively into a brick wall in his search of his killer- because the both of you already took care of him- didn’t you? And then, like every good Yard detective always does when the investigation runs into a dead-end, Wallace retraces his steps to find out what he has overlooked and what is missing here. And then finally the penny drops. That serial killer theory you came up with, and the profile you made, which he himself so contemptuously threw into the dustbin. You nailed it! You were dead right all along! The unaccounted day of absence from work, and then the serial killer disappears and the murders stop. And then you come up with the unmarked graves, so you really took out the right guy! You cannot possibly find that precious needle in this Daniels haystack, unless you have the right clues. He realises that he got it all wrong, and that he, the great Wallace from Scotland Yard, has been massively out-detectived and conned by the both of you, and this kind of betrayal doesn’t sit very well with his massive ego.

He wants revenge, and if he doesn’t have a case against Edna Wainwright, he will make a case of it, and that is where he crosses the line and makes his second mistake. He underestimates you again Bunny. In the confrontation you destroy him utterly, and causes his downfall. That was your profiling speciality again wasn’t it, who else would have come up with that link with Tremonti?

And now…Surprise ! Surprise! Both Wallace and Tremonti are dead! Like I said Bunny, I don’t believe in coincidences. Of course we have the official version which suits everybody, but that is not what really happened isn’t it?” Ewan rases his eyebrow questioningly. “Here is my theory! Wallace is of course mad as hell at you, because you beat him a second time. And now he has his precious reputation completely in shambles and is out of a job, so he turns to violence. And then stupid Wallace underestimates you for the third time. He wants to kill you but instead you kill him. And there doctor Bunny the cleaning lady shows up again, and we get dished up with a nice and epic show-off between two arch enemies, Wallace and Tremonti, in which of course everybody conveniently dies.

“You are an extremely dangerous woman, you know? What you do is utterly scary!” But I am also very fond of you and I consider you as a friend. I am doing this for your own good you know? I am doing this to protect you! How long do you think you will be able to carry on like this, walking the tightrope? As long as you stay here this will always haunt you. You know all about timing. This is really the perfect occasion to leave the stage. So please make a clean break! Start anew! There is so much talent in you. With that profiling talent and such proficient detective skills, such a sharp mind, you could really make a career as a mystery writer, and you also are a fully qualified general practitioner in medicine, just to name a few. But frankly speaking, you can do anything, be anything you want, achieve anything you want. It is all there for you if only you set your mind to it! So why stay here at the Yard? And what will be the price you'll have to pay for that, and will it be worth it? I just simply want you to be happy! You really deserve this after all you’ve been through.

That sermon of Ewan gave me the final push. So I took my resignation papers and signed them.

Ewan’s eyes have turned misty as well. “Rest assured!” he says with a dismissive gesture. “Don’t worry! Make nothing of it! But know that you have very good friends up here! And I would appreciate it very much if we stupid sods over here could occasionally call on you to help us out when we get stuck in one of our cases. And me and the boys have been pondering about an appropriate parting gift from the Yard. Just like you he also has a mind of his own, and is a constant pain in the arse to all of us, but I know you two are very fond of each other. Come on in Rufus!” he announces. And then that big rascal over there enthusiastically slams into me and I grab him in an affectionate bear hug and start cuddling him.

“Of course you know how it ends don’t you? Me, Edna and Rufus moved to Teignmouth to be happy and live the quiet easy life. But then life is full of surprises don’t you think? ! As you all know, pretty soon we all found ourselves in very tight situations and mortal danger again, here, in this very place where nothing ever happens!” Doctor Bunny smiles.

End.

Njoy ! Monk!

Afterword of the author.

It is truly an honour for me to post some of my stories on the KP-presents site. Why is that? Because the man and his friends are the main reason and inspiration for me to pick up the pen and start writing myself. It must have been over a decade ago now that I first got in touch with his work and his iconic characters. I still read ‘em with pleasure. Some of that stuff is so good! Timeless!

Why Bunny? Well, Bunny is a real woman and a friend of mine from Chicago USA that goes by the alias of BeautifulBunny on social media. First I agreed on doing some artwork for her and `refresh’ some of her old bondage footage, but as you toy with her pictures and put them into new settings, pretty soon she turned into a character. The next step was that she got her own storyline with the Doctor Bunny mysteries. The series plays out in the late ‘60’s, early ‘70’s and doctor Bunny is the plucky detective that always gets tied up. She is an ex forensic expert and profiler from Scotland Yard that got thrown under the bus and now she is a country doctor that writes murder mysteries. There is a whole cast of characters surrounding her. Edna the Gun, her companion, Rufus the dog, Lady Beresford, the countess with connections in high places with a rather kinky past, and young Rose, an aspiring young woman that wants to break free of the suffocating traditional small village country life, spread her wings and go to art school in London. Each episode highlights another character.

They are first and foremost detective stories – in which of course the damsel gets tied up- but, as a general rule in the mainstream detective series genre that got me glued to the tele screen as a kid for years and years, you have to chew yourself through the whole 45 minutes of the episode until, if you’re lucky…In the last five minutes! BLINK! There she is!.. 10 seconds DID! And then she is gone forever. But you remember the episode and the plot. This Bunny series is also a bit of a tribute to that genre.

Why Evil Monk as a pseudonym? The Evil Monk is a character in the series. He is a bit Doctor Bunny’s antagonist, but sometimes also her ally. He and Bunny have a love- hate relationship, and doctor Bunny gets tied up and gagged multiple times in the series because she pissed him off. She’s that kind of girl and he is that kind of guy!

Why all the grammar errors? I am a Dutchman, so not a native speaker. All warped language and awkward sentences that occasionally occur are entirely due to the author’s poor linguistic skills.

I hope this explains a bit.

Best Regards,

The Evil Monk.

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