The Good Burglar





The place was a strip joint with great strippers, good beer and (more important than anything else) a solid reputation of being just another strip joint in town and nothing more.


If the cops knew that over 70% of the regular clients were burglars, thieves and the likes, they would have shut it down years before. 'Moe’s Beer and Girls' was probably the only place were they could talk about past and future jobs while enjoying a beer and a stripper, and there wasn't any girl more famous among the clientele than Shelly who was on stage at the moment. Blonde, blues eyes, big breasts, bigger legs and trim waist, all natural.


But Shelly had a 'protector' called Tombstone Sam, big and burly as any guy who would be hired for a new TV series about the Hulk could be, so while all the men (and a few women) leered and dreamed with their eyes open, no one was suicidaly dumb enough to try anything with Shelly, specially with Tombstone in the attendance.


He was in the back of the saloon, sharing a table with Will 'Sleeky' Rogers, Pat 'Red' O'Neal and a newby (in the burglar business) that seemed to know almost anything that was happening with anyone in their 'field' called Bugs Kremp.


He had just finished to tell them about the mess in which the Black Rose found herself when she was trapped inside a house by a whole Hollywood film shooting happening outside, and how and why she ended up having trouble to find jobs for a while, when Sleeky decided to tell them about a similar situation that had happened with him a few years back. After telling about he had managed to fool some cops, that were after an escapee that had been seen in the neighborhood of the house he was 'working' in at the moment, that he was the resident of the place and was alone (while the real owners of the house were forcibly sharing a bathtub upstairs), Red told the guys about how he was forced to stay inside a room with a bound and gagged skinny girl for hours while waiting for the party (that her housemates had decided, for whatever reason that was none of his business, that she would not attend and hence her reduced her to her then current status) that was happening downstairs to come to an end. In the end he left the girl and her housemates writhing on the floor of one of the girl's rooms.


But, of course, the story of how Tombstone Sam had been nicknamed 'The Good Burglar' by his friends was undefeatable. Since Bugs didn't knew that one, Sam decided to tell him while he kept his eyes on his girl.


'Well, it was a few years ago. There's this woman who's a famous conservative politician, with a solid base with the conservative folks of her conservative district, and who is still to these days a closet lesbian. She prefers women young enough to be one of her daughters, no less than 21 and no more than 25, and all of them could easily find a job here or posing for 'Playboy' or 'Penthouse' or any magazines that they wished. It never last more than three or four months with each girl, and if anyone of them had any ideas of try to sell her story to the papers, or a picture or a video or whatever, I am called to deal with the little tramp...'


'How many...'


'It happened nine times already. She's been having them for the past twenty/thirty years, so it's a surprise that she had just nine troublemakers. Don't look at me like that, I don't hurt them, not really. I frighten them enough so they tell where they hid whatever proof they had of their relationship with my regular client, retrieve it, frighten them a little more and that's it. I mean, I am not a good looking guy, I am big and strong and (okay) ugly. I don't need to more than grab them, tie them up, take them to some deserted place and leave them alone for a while in the dark. When they reappear after a while I put my best 'I'm mean and evil' face and menacing voice and that's it, and that's when I do need to take the girl with me since she didn't left the evidence (when there's one) in her place.'


In Bugs' mind he could see a young and very beautiful woman lying bound and gagged and crying desperately and naked on a bare mattress in some dark and muddy place, with Tombstone standing next to her with a dreadful expression in his eyes... Then another and another, all beautiful girls... What he knew about Tombstone was that he was sort of a loner when it came to do his 'jobs', so there was not much of a chance for him to tag along next the politician needed Tombstone’s help... Pity.


'This time, it was with this girl who was working for my client as a volunteer. Her name was Veronica, 5'3”, brunette with big black eyes and a nice and a very big and round pair of breasts. My client told me that she was one of the few girls that really had fell for her, that really wanted to be something more than a temporary source of pleasure for my client and wanted to live with her for all their lives. Of every ten girls my client has, one or two end up that way... But of course, that was absolutely impossible. So Veronica told my client about the spy-like camera she had hid in her room in the hotel they had met for the past three times, and my client told me about it.'


At that moment Shelly's presentation ended and, as usual, Tombstone and over half the attendance stood up and cheered her. He got back to his seat as he signaled to Shelly to stop by, he finished his beer and resumed his story.


'Veronica lived with her sister Valerie in a house in the suburbs, a house that was a bit isolated... Hello babe..' - Shelly, wearing an excuse of a white and blue string bikini, greeted the guys and kissed Sam full on his lips, then she sat on his lap had a little small talk with him, in which she told him that some guy called 'Jules' had gave her 'one of those tips' – poor suicidal idiot thought Bugs – then she kissed him again, stood up and returned to the backstage. Tombstone waited for her to disappear behind a door to resume.


'As I said, it was an isolated house. No one noticed when I broke in, pounced on Valerie – a less sultry and curvy version of her sister - (as for Veronica she was working late at my client's campaign headquarter) as she was getting out of the shower, tied her up like a taut salami and stormed the place. The papers told about how I had assured the very frightened girl that I was only after her and her sister's valuables, but didn't told that the very first thing that Veronica did when she got home and found her sis in the stairs, as she was worming her way to the kitchen, wasn’t freed her and that she actually completely ignored the now angry muffled pleas for help as she realized that her evidences were now gone...'


'And that's it?'


All three looked at him like he had just said the most stupid thing that they had ever heard.


'Four days later my client calls me. It seemed that Veronica had made copies of the pictures and movies and was demanding a lot of money for them. I went to check which one, of the four places I know about, I could use to keep Veronica as my guest for a day or two... Then I went to her house. This time Valerie wasn't there, she is – or at least was at the time – a stewardess and was flying to Beijing at the time, or so I thought. Anyway, all I had to do was to wait for lil' Vee to come back home. I could easily grab her the moment she closed the door downstairs in the house front entrance  but... I have this thing in me that makes me like to grab them when they are undressing or naked. They are relaxed, and with their guard down. So I waited upstairs, in Valerie's room. At about 8 p.m. my client, for the first and last time in the course of our relationship, phones me. She usually uses two or three persons to get in touch with me, but she was mad and furious and wasn't thinking straight. There were no copies. Veronica had lied about it as a way to try one desperate attempt to have my client one last time, my client talked with her and had somehow managed to have her confess it. Then my client slapped Veronica, fired her and called me. She knew about the times it had been necessary to take the then current treat to her career for a ride somewhere, she knew that I didn't tortured the girls but she told me that she knew how effective I was in frightening them, and that she would pay me five times the usual if I grabbed Veronica and really scared her during three or four days. And I thought to myself 'Why not?', I knew that once my client's blood pressure returned to its normal level she would realize exactly what she had asked... demanded me to do and then she'd probably pay me even more to release Veronica ASAP. Hey, she's my most regular client... this 'Jules' guy Shelly just told me about? He's the contact between us, of course she can't walk through that door but he can, and he can slip a note between the 50 and 100's bills he places in Shelly's string bikini, can't he? So right now Shelly has with her the name, address and other useful data about the latest girl who's trying to make a living with my client' closet secret!!!'


'That simple?'


'It works. But as I was saying, she's my most regular client. And I know her. We never met or were introduced to, I only talked with her that time and I only know her indirectly, but I know her. So I knew that I would have a big pay for grabbing Veronica and giving her a few hours of fear, cramps and discomfort. If by noon of the following day my client hadn't gotten in touch with me and had cancelled everything that she had ordered me to do with Veronica – that I wouldn't have started yet – then I would be really surprised with her, and to be honest also severely disappointed!'


'OK, OK... then what happened?'


'The ride between my client's campaign headquarter and Veronica's house would take forty minutes to one hour, but after nearly two hours there was no Veronica whatsoever. I was starting to get cramps myself when I saw a cab coming through the lane, and a shaky (in more than one way) Veronica getting out of it. She had been drinking somewhere but at least had the decency to not drive herself back home. She got inside the house carrying some bags as I waited still inside her sister's room. I heard her closing the door, coming through the stairs, going straight to the bathroom, starting to fill up the tub, crying a lot all along and going downstairs, she returned carrying a bottle of wine and something else in her other hand (I took a peek) and went straight to her room. She came out of it stark naked in all her glory and holding another thing with both hands, then I heard her locking the door of the bathroom and, with one of the eeriest feelings I had ever felt I decided to take a look into her room. If for nothing, I was going to grab her when she got out of the tub, and probably wrap her up with her bed's linen after I knocked her out cold, anyway so I would have to wait for her in her room. But on her bed there were an almost empty bottle of wine and two drugstore's bags from two different drugstores. She had bought some razor blades in one and sleeping pills in the other...'




'I run at top speed and shoved my body against that locked door. Not that I am that strong – Sleeky and Red sneered at that remark – it's the door that wasn't that good, but the door fell from its fringes with one hit. She was in the tub in all her glorious nakedness, holding a blade with one hand as she was trying to cut her wrist's veins and looking sleepy, scared and surprised at me. I jumped on her, holding both arms as much as apart as she could take it. She tried to scream for help but her voice was barely audible, sluggish and inarticulate anyway. Three minutes later the pills took effect and she went limp in my arms, I took her out of the tub, checked her pulse and it was fine. Just a few 'hesitant cuts' on her left wrist and nothing else. She had taken only one pill, there were a couple more inside her mouth but I pried them out, but that stuff was really strong (I now use it to get the chicks and dudes I have to leave behind sleeping with the angels). She was out for the rest of the night, and only woke in the hospital the next morning... so I dried her, carried her to her own bed and taped her up. I didn't knew when she would woke up but I wouldn't let her try to do anything else to herself. So I used a whole roll of tape on her legs, forearms and then forearms and torso. Her breasts became even bigger than they were and I was sure that she'd have a cramp or two when she woke up, but she wasn't going to do anything that I didn't wanted her to. For my safety I gagged her with a scarf loosely tied around her head and between her teeth, and then I looked for something to blindfold her and found one of those models of blindfolds that they used to gave to you in airplanes, then I used another of her scarves to anchor her ankles to one of the bed's font feet. After that I sat next to her and thought about what I would do with her... She was my first, and fortunately still only, suicidal girl. And I still don't know how to deal with them.'


'Couldn't you simply took her as you had planned and wait for your client's call?'


'That would have been the most logical thing to do, but... I confess, I didn't reacted as I should have. I searched in her purse and found a note for her sister and for about one hour and a half I was divided between two options, one was the one you said, the other was to take the girl to some hospital. Her sister's car was in the garage, I would drive to an hospital nearby that I know that hasn't a good surveillance system, and leave her inside the trunk with her note (which was more than obvious she expected to be found with her corpse) and one of my own written 'Suicidal babe, take care of her please' or something like that...'


'Oh come on!'


'Yeah, can you see the headlines of the following day? 'Good Burglar Saves Victim'...'


'Ridiculous, perfectly understandable, but ridiculous anyway...'


'Shut up you two! None of you found yourselves in a similar situation! Find yourselves first and then you can talk like that! This kind of stuff can ruins a reputation no matter how good you are, so I had to think about what I should or shouldn't do with her!'


'So what you did?'


'Nothing. I was still wondering what I should do when another cab arrived, and Valerie came out of it like she knew what Veronica wanted to do. She did, because Veronica had sent her a text message saying 'Sorry and goodbye', so she took a moment too long to register that the door of the bathroom wasn't open, but had been forced out of its fringes. And when she did realize I had her in my arms. She recognized me, same size and same aftershave cologne of the guy who had tied her up not four days before, it had to be the same person! And besides, even wearing a mask I don't like to use lens so she recognized my eyes. She relaxed when I told her that Veronica was alive and that I had prevented her from doing anything to herself. I quickly shoved a balled up scarf inside her mouth and tied her arms and wrists. I was about to start her legs when I heard someone calling her name. The cab driver, in her hurry she hadn't paid the ride. She tried to scream for help but I put my big hand over all her lower half of the face and carried her to her sister's bedroom. There I quickly wrapped a few turns of tape over her feet and head and locked her inside a closet.


The driver was standing right in the first step of the stairs when I appeared, masked and armed and pointing my gun at her. She was a woman in her late thirties, a bit athletic and black. Five minutes later she was in the same closet that Valerie was. Both were standing face to face, well actually the black and older woman was about five inches taller than Valerie (who besides being older than Veronica was much  smaller than her sister), but you get the idea. Both still wore the clothes they had when they entered the house, minus theirs shoes. I had removed them to better tie their ankles and feet together in a mass of rope that made impossible for them to try to move without risking both women to fall. I reinforced the taller woman's gag with a few turns of tape and closed the door, then I gave one last check to the still slumbered Veronica and went out of the house. By then I was sure that some of the neighbors were looking at what was happening at the girl's place. And when they saw me, a masked white man instead of a black woman, getting into the cab and drive off... I left the cab a few blocks away and drove straight to Angie's apartment... She was the girl that I was protecting back then and like Shelly she worked here at Moe's... and I stayed there for about a week. 'Jules' appeared here about three days later with 300 bucks for Angie and a note of my client. She thanked me for saving Veronica's life (and paid ten times the usual as part of her gratitude) and told me that she would 'take care' of her, she paid the bills for Veronica's treatment. The police is still after me and didn't got much to work with from their eyewitnesses and techs.'


'And NOW she's asking for your help with another girl...'


'She pays well... Don't worry, I'll be there Saturday for that job for the Duchess...'


'We know you will... need any help this time?'


Tombstone only answer was a smile, or the closest he could get to one, and stood up.


Shelly was already standing at his side, filling a tight jeans trousers and an even tighter tank top and kissing him again (she had to stand on her tiptoes for that). They left the place together and, after a new round of beers was delivered by a sultry black girl in a yellow bikini, Sleeky turned to Bugs.


'He's a big and very mean guy when its needed. Last year there were those bikers, the 'Hell Mighty Runner's' (that way with the grammatical error), and three of them came here and tried to force themselves over Shelly. He sent all three to the hospital. Then their buddies decided to go after him and Shelly, and he called his old buddy Frank Farmer, THE Frank Farmer, who made the bikers accept his 'suggestion' that they should go one against one with Tombstone, or else. Nine more Runners enjoyed the hospital's goop for a while. And after a few more days, more five ended there with broken bones. Yessir, good old Tombstone is bad and mean when he wants...'


'...but sometimes...'


And, after they were sure that Tombstone was out and wouldn't return, both Sleeky and Red told Bugs a few stories about how Tombstone had not reacted as he should because he had started to care about the 'nuisances' that he had to deal with.




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