In Their Own Words – Awkward

Every profession has them – those awkward situations that you walk into, and have to make some sort of decision about. It’s also true in the world of crime – so this week, in a very special In Their Own Words, we ask some career criminals about the most awkward situation they ever walked into.

Our first guest is known as the Games Player…

I’m not exactly sure if this qualifies as an awkward situation – I have certainly walked into more awkward ones – but it was certainly the most unusual, and one of those rare occasions I had to secure the father as well as the mother.

This was the home of the Devon family – Desmond was a local jeweller, his wife Karen a teacher, and they had a ten year old daughter called Mandy. This would have been a Saturday afternoon when I let myself into their kitchen, dressed in my usual black outfit with the stocking down over my head, and then made my way to the front room. Mandy was sitting there, watching television, but I could hear movement upstairs that suggested her mother was up there.

So I figured I would start with Mandy, then get her mother, and leave them together – which is why I walked in and said “hello Mandy – don’t be scared, let me explain what is happening.”

She was wearing a white wool dress, with elbow length sleeves, and knee length dark brown leather boots, as well as a matching white wool cap pulled down over her long blonde hair. She was surprised to see me, but when I explained her parents had hired me to pretend to be a robber, so they could play a game together, she nodded – that should have been a cue, but it wasn’t, so I said I was going to make sure she could not leave the room and stayed quiet, while I went to get her mother as well.

I started by tying her wrists together behind her back with rope, and then wound more around her arms and upper body so that they were secured together. She smiled as she wriggled round, then watched after she had sat down as I used more rope to bind her ankles tightly together, the leather squeaking as her legs rubbed while I took the rope around and between them. Another length of rope secured her legs together below her knees, before I covered her mouth with a wide strip of fabric sticking plaster, and helped her to lie on her side so that she could watch the television.

I told her not to move, and I would bring her mother down to her – and she tried to say something, but, well, she was gagged. So she shrugged as I left her there, and made my way up to find where Karen Devon was.

Well, I found her – and Desmond as well – in the main bedroom. Karen was lying face down on the bed, wearing a white blouse, blue jeans and knee length tan leather boots with quite a heel – but she had her hands together behind her back.

And her elbows, as I could see the bands of brown rope that were holding them together. There were also bands of rope around her upper body, holding her arms against her back, around her ankles, and around her legs below her knees – tightly bound and cinched.

As for Desmond, he was pulling her ankles back, and using a further length of rope to bind them to her chest ropes, as he said “well, now that I have you as my captive, what am I going to do to you?”

“I’ll scream for help,” Karen said as she turned her head, her red hair loose – and then she saw me, as I said “well, we can’t have that – but I think we need to make sure neither of you can call for help.”

Desmond span round, as I said “before you think of raising the alarm – your daughter is downstairs, tightly bound and gagged, and thinks you have hired me to play a game of robbers with her. Ask yourself – what happens if you scream, or shout? She may struggle, but the plaster over her mouth will stop her from being able to cough if she does that.”

“no – please…”

“Then,” I said quietly, “you both have to pretend this is a game, while I rob you. You’ve done a good job on her – Why don’t you stand there and put your own hands behind your back, and I’ll make sure you both look just the same…”

And so it was, a half hour later, I came back down to find Mandy still on the couch, so I lifted her up and carried her to the bedroom.

“Hllhmhmm, dhd – whrhlthdhp.”

“Yhshwhhrr,” Desmond said as he looked up, the sticking plaster covering his mouth as he lay there hogtied like his wife – who also had brown fabric plaster over her mouth. I laid their daughter between them, and said “so – thirty minutes, then try and get free. The first one to do so gets a surprise.”

I left them on the bed, Mandy looking at both of them – I wonder who did get free first?

Albert is not his first name, but he was a leading burglar in the early seventies. We asked him what the most awkward situation he ever encountered was.

Oh, that’s easy – family punishment day! This was the summer of ’73, and I was robbing the home of a local political leader in the Manchester area. Getting in wasn’t a problem – the front door was unlocked – and I was wearing a checked jacket and pants over a dark jumper, gloves, and dark glasses.

I am a professional, so I had rope and other items with me in case anyone was at home – and I was glad I did, because when I glanced into the front room, I saw the lady of the house. She had blonde hair in a perm, and was wearing a cream coloured safari style mini dress with wing collar tips, as well as cork sandals.

But it was what she was doing that caught my attention. There were two young girls sitting on brown wooden chairs, one six and one five. Both girls had their brown hair in bunches – the older girl wearing a grey checked mini dress with a white waistcoat stitched into it, white socks and black shoes, while the young girl was wearing a white mini dress with red collar and blouse, red socks and black shoes.

The thing is, both of them had their arms taped to the side of the chair back with brown backing tape, and their ankles taped together, and their mother was being rather angry with them. IT wasn’t as if they could reply – they also had strips of the brown packing tape over their mouths.

I could hear another sound, so I glance to the side and saw two more girls lying on their sides on the floor. One looked to be about nine years old, wearing a brown pinafore dress over a pale pink blouse, brown tights and brown shoes. The other girl was a few years older, wearing a blue denim pinafore dress over a red blouse, long red socks and red shoes.

They both had their wrists tied behind their back with twine, and their ankles tied together as well, and they both had white scarves rolled up and pulled between their lips. The woman was angry at them for something – and it took a while for me to realise it was a trivial matter, and she had treated the girls in this way?

It was awkward, but I stepped in, hand gagged the mother, told her to shut up, and told the girls I had to make sure their mother wasn’t able to raise the alarm while I robbed them. All four looked at each other, and then nodded as I pulled her out of the room.

I returned with her a little while later, her wrists tied behind her back and ropes holding her arms to her sides, and she had to jump in because I had bound her ankles and legs together once she had shown me where the valuables were.

Her mouth was covered with the brown tape – because I had wrapped it round her head. Putting her on the floor, I pulled her ankles back and tied them to her chest ropes, and then left a pair of scissors behind the back of the oldest girl.

“I assume you know what you have to do?”

She nodded – I knew she knew what she, and the other girls were going to do…

We talked to the infamous George Simpson, now based in New York, for his most awkward memory.

Well, to be fair, there was a degree of awkwardness in every visit I made – but in terms of what made me feel awkward, there was one home I visited in Knightsbridge where a mother and daughter asked me to do something - different.

I was one of a group who wanted to rob a bank branch, and I was charged with making sure the manager’s family were held hostage so that he would cooperate. I timed my arrival for about three in the afternoon, so a phone call could be made at four, and went for the open approach of knocking on the door.

The door was opened by the lady of the house, a tall redhead, whose short hair was carefully arranged – but she was dressed like someone from the mid-sixties, in a white slip dress and black shoes, a multi-coloured scarf tied so the long ends fell in front of her. I looked for a moment, and then gently pushed her back in, putting my hand over her mouth as I told her to be quiet.

She stared at me, and then I heard a young voice say “momma?” I glanced to the side and saw the eight year old daughter standing there, wearing a burnt orange slip dress, orange socks and black shoes.

“Hello,” I said quietly, “I need you and your momma to be calm, and to do what I say, all right?”

“Are you a robber?”

“I am – but we’re not robbing you, some friends of mine will be visiting your father soon. My job is to make sure you stay here, and he does what we say – so will you do that?”

Her mother looked at her and nodded, as I said “good – may I ask about the clothes?”

“We had a sixties day at school,” the girl said – which explained the clothes, so I nodded as I said “well, I need you to go and close the curtains in the front room, and then sit down. Are you going to scream?”

Her mother shook her head, so I took my hand away, but held her arm as we watched the young girl close the curtains, and then sit down, clutching her white teddy bear as I let her mother sit next to her.

“So,” I said as I put the bag I was holding down, and sat in a chair, “I am going to have to make sure your daughter cannot raise the alarm – and then I am going to get you to call your husband. Once he understands what he has to do, I’ll do to you what I do to her.”

“And what is that?”

I looked at the daughter, as she clutched her teddy bear, and said “I’m going to tie you up, and gag you.” She looked at me for a moment, and then she said “tie Teddy up first, and I want to hug him.”

Well, I figured it would keep her quiet, so I told her to bring her teddy over and stand in front of me, while her mother stayed in her seat. Opening my bag, I took some lengths of rope out, and then tied two lengths around the bear’s upper body, holding his arms against his sides. I then used two shorter lengths to tie his legs together as well while she watched.

She looked at him, and then hugged him in her arms as she said “I’m ready – tie me up now, Mister Robber.” Her mother shook her head, as I took two short lengths of rope out and tied her wrists to her arms so that she held her teddy, then tied more rope around her upper body, both to hold her arms to her sides, and to hold them together.

“All right,” I said as I took a roll of white tape from my bag, “I’m going to put some of this over your mouth, to keep you quiet.”

“And Teddy’s mouth?”

“And Teddy’s mouth,” I said as I tape gagged the bear first, and then her, before her mother stood up and she lay on her side on the couch. I then tied her ankles together, as well as her legs below her knees, before looking at her mother.

“All right,” I said as I looked at the clock, “call your husband, tell him what is happening – and tell him he is not to tell anyone, or else…”

“I understand,” she said quietly as we walked to the hallway, her daughter watching as she made the call. She was calm, and clear, and he got the message when she handed me the phone, and my colleague said he understood.

“Good,” I said as I pulled the wire from the wall, “now it’s your turn.”

“I want to hold my daughter as well.”

I looked at her, and then said “very well then – I will gag you, and then let me pick her up.” I started by using the scarf she was wearing as a cleave gag. We walked back into the front room and I lifted the young girl up, before carrying her behind her mother up to the master bedroom, letting her sit on the edge of the bed as I bound her mother’s ankles and legs. She then lay on her side as I helped her daughter to lie in front of her, and waited as she hugged the girl before binding her arms in the same way as I had the girl – and then tying her wrists to the girl’s legs with more rope, before adding a layer of tape to the gag.

I watched them for a while before the telephone rang three times, and I made my way out.

Why was it awkward? Well, firstly, I could not secure the lady of the house as well as I could.

And secondly, the teddy bear?

We asked those most polite gentlemen, Mister Tall and Mister Small, for a time they found awkward.

Well, I think Mister Small and I would have to agree the curious incident of the dog in the day comes to mind. You don’t mind if I explain, do you?

This happened in a town in Surrey, and – let’s call her Audrey Roberts lived in a detached house, where she and her husband had a fine collection of silver – a collection we wished to obtain. We decided to visit on a day her husband was out – and, as is our custom, we parked a short way away and walked the rest of the distance, stopping only to pull the brims of our hats down over our heads before I knocked on the front door.

It was Audrey who opened the door, naturally surprised to see us both standing there. Her long brown hair was falling down the back of her blue denim dress, while her legs were in dark patterned stockings, and high heels.

Well, I soon explained the situation to her as we came in, and Mister Small ensured the telephone was disconnected, and then I made sure her wrists were snugly tied together behind her back before I asked f anyone else was at home. She said her sons were in the front room – and I said it was only right and proper we introduce ourselves to them as well.

She soon saw the wisdom of what we said, so we went into the front room where her sons were sitting. They were twelve and eleven, both redheads, the older boy wearing a green shirt and brown tie with grey pants, and the younger one a red checked shirt with a blue tie, and dark pants. They were both a little scared, but their mother told them what was going to happen, while Mister Small went to make sure the electronics were all taken care of.

I said I was going to make sure they stayed in the room, so I told them both to kneel in front of the couch, and to put their hands behind their backs. Inviting their mother to sit down, I took some ropes from my bag, and used them to tie the boys’ wrists together behind their back, and then to secure their ankles together before I got them to sit back to back on the floor. A longer length of rope was then used to secure the two boys together around their arms and upper bodies, as Mister Small came back in and began to bind Audrey’s arm sot her sides, the rope forming two bands that framed her chest.

I could see the boys looking at their mother, with a very strange look, but she didn’t seem to notice as I secure their legs together below their knees as well – and then asked them both to open their mouths, allowing me to push a folded cloth in before covering their mouths and faces with white micropore tape. I then invited Audrey to show me the silver collection, while Mister Small stayed to search the main room.

It was him who filled me in on what happened when we were not there – how the boys had started trying to twist round, and talk to each other, but he noticed that – well, shall we say, they were both a little excited about their situation, and he suspected the sight of their mother with her arms and wrists tied had only added to that excitement.

At any rate, when we returned I will say this the bulge in their pants was noticeable, but their mother could not say a lot about it. Mainly because I had gagged her as well, as I sat her on the couch, and started to bind her ankles and legs together.

That was when the dog came in – a little spaniel, who looked at us, and then walked over to the boys and started to nuzzle them.

With his nose.

Between their legs.

We had to avert our eyes, but they were both moaning as I made sure their mother was comfortable on her side on the couch – before the puppy came onto the couch, and…

Well, like I said – a little awkward, as we made our exit…

Finally today, we asked antiques and security expert John Jacobs for a tale.

Awkward and embarrassing for me? Not really. But young Tony…

This was in the early eighties, and I had entered the premises of the Torrance family to see what I could find. And what I found apart from several genuinely nice things – was Mrs Torrance at home. She was in her early forties, and was wearing a cream coloured coat dress, with a wide belt, and matching shoes as well as a set of pearls.

Naturally, she was surprised to see me, and wished to alert others to the fact I was there – so I had to hand gag her, and gently tell her to calm down, that I would not hurt her, but I would have to make sure she could not raise the alarm. Eventually, she calmed down and nodded, as I asked her to put her hands behind her back.

Unfortunately, all I had with me was a large roll of silver tape, so I used that to secure her wrists tightly together, and then wound it round her waist to make sure they stayed secured there. I also wound some round her arms and body, above and below her chest, to make sure she could not move them either, before we walked into the front room and I asked her to sit on a long couch.

As I taped her ankles together, and then her legs below her knees, I asked her where her valuables were, explaining it would be easier and less mess if she told me. She did tell me, as I wound the tape round her legs above her knees, trapping her skirt there, and then helped her to lie with her head on the arm of the chair, before I taped over her mouth and left her with the radio on.

So she was secured, quiet, and I searched the house – but as I came down the stairs, I stopped and watched as her son Tony came in the front door. He was eleven years old, and was wearing a green roll neck sweater and grey combat trousers – and he was not alone. There was a girl of about the same age as him, wearing a pair of denim bib shorts over a blue hooded sweatshirt, white legging and trainers.

“MUM,” he called out, “Jenny has come to play with… Mum?”

They had both gone into the front room, to see his mother lying on the couch, taped and gagged – and then he heard Jenny’s muffled gasp as I hand gagged her. Normally, I don’t like having to secure children, but this was one of those occasions I had no choice.

I told Tony to be quiet, and then asked Jenny if she was his girlfriend. She blushed, but didn’t shake her head, as I told Tony to take the roll of tape from my hand, and tape his girlfriend’s wrists together in front of her. He blushed, but he did as I asked, and then waited as I told Jenny not to scream, and took my hand away.

I told both kids to sit on the wooden table in front of his mother, and she had to watch as I taped his wrists together as well, then their ankles, as well as their legs below and above their knees, and then their arms to their sides. Tony could not take his eyes off his mother – until Jenny kissed him on the cheek, and said she was glad he was there to look after her.

Which made him blush even more, especially after I tape gagged them both and Jenny rested her head on his shoulder. His mother just shook her head as Tony slowly turned his, and rubbed his mouth o Jenny’s head while I left them alone…

This has been a special edition of In Their Own Words – until next time…

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