When I Look Back







When my Donnie and I first started dating, all the time we were married, all the years together we had a very active and loving relationship – and part of that was he liked to tie me up and gag me, and I liked to be tied and gagged.  When he was a young boy, our son Tony also liked to tie me up and gag me – and now that Donnie has gone, he does that for me as well, and when he does, I tend to look back on when Donnie did it to me.


Like today – my mind went back to the early eighties, when Donnie and I took a cross country trip in a rented SUV, and when we stopped one night he asked if I wanted to spend some “quiet time” as he put it.  I wanted that, so we ate barbecue that night – I was wearing a white short sleeved top and short black skirt with high heels, Donnie was wearing a checked shirt and jeans.


Then we went into the vehicle, and I sat on the window seat, watching as Donnie found some ropes with my arms wrapped round my bent legs.  He came back over, smiled, and kissed me before tying my wrists tightly together, and then my ankles before he used another length of rope to link the two.  He then smiled as he brushed my hair from my face and pressed a length of brown sticking plaster down over my mouth to keep me quiet.


And he needed to keep me quiet, because he started to kiss my neck and fondle me, making me feel so good as he started to make love to me.  Kneeling behind me, I felt his hands on my chest, and it felt so good….





My hair is grey now rather than brown, as I sit here and watch Tony using red rope to secure my ankles together.  Today, I’m wearing a red, blue and white striped short sleeved blouse open at the neck, with a pair of panties – and a nice white scarf which has been folded into a wide band and tied tightly round my head by my son, the ends hanging down my back.


My wrists are crossed and tied together in front of me with red rope, and then Tony had tied them down to a second band of rope that he’d tied my legs together above my knees. 


Finally, there is another band of red rope round my arms and body, the same rope going over my shoulders and wrapped round the band between my breasts.  It wasn’t the tightest I have ever been tied – but as Tony stands up and asks if I am all right, I nod and smile under the over the mouth gag.  For today, it is exactly what I need, as I watch the television through my glasses and relax.




That was a relaxing afternoon – and it made me think of the first time Tony helped Donnie to secure me.  He must have been about ten years old, and I was wearing a dark blue denim dress with red heels.  He had been to a cub scout meeting – and yes, it may sound like a silly thing, but he was one – and he was showing me how he had tied two sticks together with rope.


Donnie congratulated him, and then asked Tony if he wanted to practise his knot tying some more.  Well, he was eager – and then Donnie smiled as he asked me to lie face down on the couch I was sitting on.


I smiled and did just that, as Tony asked his father what he wanted him to tie together.  I heard his answer, and then I felt him cross my wrists behind my back before I felt rope pulling them together.


I figured it was Tony doing it under Donnie’s supervision – the binder was doing it slowly, but he was taking care, and making sure it was as tight as when Donnie did it.  I felt one last tug, and then I felt Donnie lifting my ankles up and crossing them, before the rope rubbed on my bare limbs.


Donnie was teaching Tony well – I felt his little hands as he took the rope between my legs to make it tighter, and then heard him ask if I was all right.  I rolled onto my side and nodded, before I said I thought he had done a wonderful job – and that was when Donnie pressed a strip of silver duct tape over my mouth, and Tony started to tickle my sides as I giggled and wriggled about…



Tony lives with me still – and when he came home from work today, I asked him if he would make sure I could not move or talk while he prepared supper.  I was wearing an olive-green polo shirt with a Dubai design on the left pocket, matching shorts, dark hose and black heels – and Tony was more than happy to do this for his mother, as he fetched some lengths of rope and began.


The first thing he did was to take my hands behind my back and bind them tightly together with the white rope, taking the rope around and between my thin limbs so they were snugly secured together.  He then wrapped another longer length of rope around my arms and body, pulling them into my sides so that they were locked into place.


But Tony went further - he took the rope over one shoulder, then fed the rope round the band between my breasts and pulled it up as he took the rope over my other shoulder.  He then fed the rope under one arm, between my arm and body, and pulled it up before taking the rope round the back of my neck, and under the other arm.  All this made that band holding my arms to my body so much tighter – and so much nicer.


I sat myself down in an armchair and watched as he put my feet on his knee, and tied them tightly together, the rope going round and between my legs as the white rope contrasted with my dark tights.  Tony then secured my legs together below my knees, and again above my knees, each band cinched by taking the rope between my legs, each knot where I could not reach it.


I nodded as I wriggled round, and then watched as he tore a strip of silver tape from a roll.


“Just like the first time I did this?”


“Just like then,” I said with a smile as he pressed the tape down over my mouth, and then a few more, before I wriggled round, feeling the ropes as I moved and loving the way they made me feel, and then watched Tony head to the kitchen…





Thinking these things over makes me remember those very special times with my husband and son – and there is a particular birthday that came to mind when thinking about that.


I was forty-five and was coming down the stairs to find Donnie waiting there.  He looked at me and said, “that outfit looks fantastic.”


I was wearing a white blouse over a black dress, natural hose and red heels, and I smiled as he said that – and then I saw the wide strip of red silk he had in his hand.  “For me?”  I asked, and then he nodded as he tied it round my head, covering my eyes.


“What’s going on,” I said, but I was smiling as I was led somewhere, and then helped to sit down on a chair.  A high back chair, from the way my back was supported, but not an armchair – a dining chair?


I then felt someone take my arm down to my side, and the rope as my wrist was tied to the back support.   I could hear someone walking round, and then the sensation as my other wrist was secured into place.


Rope was then used to tie my waist to the chair back, and then my upper body.  I could not see what was happening, but I could feel the pressure on my body, and the way the ropes were being tied it felt as if they were framing my chest as well.


My upper body was certainly secured, as hands put my ankles together and I felt the rope around and between my legs.  Once they were held firmly together, I could feel the hands stroking my legs as they were secured more, bands going round them above and below my knees so that they really were locked to each other.


That was not the only thing my mystery binder did though – I felt mor rope round my ankles before they appeared to be secured to something, and the on my lap as the bands pressed down.  Whoever was doing this, it was clear they wanted me to stay there.


They also wanted me to stay quiet, because I felt whoever it was gently open my mouth, and then push a cloth in.  Silk, by the taste and feel on my tongue, as I closed my lips over it, and then felt something tugging on the skin round my mouth.  I tried to talk – but could not, as the blindfold was taken away.


Donnie was standing in front of me, smiling – and as I turned my head to the side, I saw Tony standing there, smiling as he showed me a roll of white tape.  I glanced down to see the ropes holding me there, my blouse opened up by the bands – and then heard Donnie.


“Happy Birthday – and Happy Birthday to you as well Tony.”


Didn’t I mention Tony had the same birthday as me?  And this happened on the day of his 21st birthday?



That was twenty years ago – and for my sixty fifth birthday, Tony has bound me in a similar way.  I’m wearing a red top with a picture of a cat wearing a bandana on the front, jeans and red heels – but I’m also in one of my dining chairs, my wrist tied to the chair back and ropes around my chest and the chair back – as well as over my shoulders, keeping me even more firmly in place.


Tony had also secured my ankles together, as well as my legs below my knees – and then pushed a folded cloth into my mouth, before folding a red bandana into a triangle and then tying it round my head, covering my mouth and preventing me from saying very much.


Very much at all, as Tony smiled and showed me my presents…




I said Donnie had left me – and the memory of that last Christmas is still fresh in my mind.  I came down that morning, wearing only a red Santa jacket over a white blouse and heels – only to see Donnie standing there with the red blindfold.


He smiled as he put it over the banister, and then showed me a set of black fur cuffs, which he fastened round my wrists.  I jangled the link chain that held the cuffs together, while Donnie blindfolded me and then led me into a room.  As I sat down, I realised I was on a couch, and then I felt the rope as my ankles were forced together.


I then felt my legs being drawn together above my knees, and with my fingers I felt the soft rope as it was pulled tighter.  I could also feel my husband’s hands as he pulled the rope between my legs, and then stroked them as I felt him sit next to me.


“Merry Christmas,” he whispered into my ear before he kissed me, stroking my back as he did so, and then opened my robe up as he caressed my chest.  I felt his lips on my neck and mouth. And moaned in response as he slowly, carefully brought me on while I was helpless.


The way he made love to me that morning was so wonderful, the most amazing of Christmas presents – and sadly, the last he was able to give me before that damned infection took him from me…




So how did I spend today, you ask?  Take a guess, and you’ll be close enough.  I’m wearing a dark grey jumper with a deep V-neck, a dark skirt, black hose, and black heels.  Tony has secured my wrists together, crossed on my lap, and then tied my legs together above my knees before he secured my wrists down to them.


My ankles are tied together as well, and there was rope round my arms and upper body – cinched between my arms and body so all I could do was wriggle about.  I also had a red sponge ball in my mouth, and a strip of grey material tied over my mouth.


But I was not alone – Mark had his wife here as well, lying on the floor as he pulled her bound ankles back and secured them to the rope round her upper body.  She also had her legs secured and her upper body like me, and a white cloth round her head to keep the sponge ball in her mouth.


I’m so glad he found someone to play these games with as well, because it means the family tradition can go on…







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