A Family Affair

“Monday Morning, Bright and Clear,
Lovely flowers, decorate the Market square…”

Hettie sang to herself as she stirred the pot on the stove top, smiling as she inhaled the scent of the soup. The housekeeper was in her early forties, her curly red-brown hair held back by a dark headband, the light blue tabard over a grey long sleeved top. Dark jeans, and a pair of flat black shoes, completed her work outfit.

“Perfect,” she whispered to herself before there was a knock on the back door. Putting the wooden spoon to one side, she wiped her hands and opened the door, saying “can I help…”

“Good afternoon, dear lady. Please, forgive the intrusion, but we would both be most grateful if you were to step back inside, and not make a sound.”

Hettie slowly stepped back, trying to process the two new arrivals who walked in. They were male, one carrying a large holdall while the other pointed a very real pistol at her. They looked identical – black leather jackets, pants, shoes, gloves, balaclava masks. In fact, the most striking thing about both men was the disparity in their heights – one was a good foot taller than the other.

And it was the taller one who said “remain calm, we mean you no harm – but we are going to regretfully have to take seps to make sure you cannot raise the alarm. May I know your name?”

“Hettie… Who are you?”

“You may call me Mister Tall – my friend and colleague Mister Small.” As he pulled a chair away from the kitchen table, he smiled as he said “please, Hettie – be seated, get comfortable. You are going to be here a while…”

“Forgive me,” Mister Small said as he placed the bag on the table, opening it and removing a length of rope which he doubled over, “but I assure you, it is necessary and for your own protection…”

“Look at this Granny!”

Orlagh Malone smiles as she looked at the drawing her seven year old granddaughter was holding. Lara Bachman had long blonde hair, tied back in two pigtails which hung in front of her, and was wearing a short peach coloured dress with capped sleeves.

“That is beautiful darling,” Orlagh said as she kissed Lara on the head. She was in her late fifties, and was wearing a dark grey jacket over a white blouse, and dark pants. “Steve, what are you doing?”

“Reading,” Steve Bachman said as he looked over from the couch. The six-year-old had short dark curly hair, and was wearing a light blue jumper, jeans and black trainers.

“Good,” Orlagh said as she looked over at the clock on the wall. “It’s nearly lunchtime – Carol and Sheelagh should be here soon, and then we can all eat together. Let me go and check what Hettie is,,,”

“Ah – good morning Mrs Malone. Kindly remain seated, and raise your hands so that we can see them.

Orlagh stared at the door as it opened, and the tow black clad and masked men came into the room, the smaller of the two carrying a large bag. She then slowly raised her hands as Steve and Lara stared at the new arrivals.

“Granny,” Steve said quietly, “what’s going on? Why are the men wearing those masks?”

“That is a good question, Steve – who are you, and what are you doing in my house?”

“Both fair questions, Orlagh – may I call you Orlagh? Allow me to introduce myself – I am Mister Tall, and this is Mister Small. Perhaps you have heard of us?”

Orlagh slowly nodded as she said “yes, I’ve heard of you – but my grandchildren…”

“Granny…”

Mister Small put the bag down, and walked over to where the children were sitting. “Hi,” he said as he smiled, “do you want to tell me your names?”

“Steve….”

“I’m Lara – why are you called Mister Small?”

“Take a guess.” Lara giggled as the masked man said “look, I will be honest with you – my friend and I are robbers, and we are here today to rob your granny.”

“Really?”

“Really – now, that means at some point, my friend Mister Tall and I are going to have to make sure that both of you, and your grandmother, will not be able to move or talk clearly for a while. But I promise you, so long as you do what we ask, then it will only be an imposition for a little while.”

“Will it hurt?”

“No – and as I say, you will all be in the same position, so you could even make a game of trying to get free after we go.”

“Will Granny’s friends be the same when they come as well?”

“Granny’s friends?” Mister Tall looked at Orlagh as she said “I have two friends coming for lunch – where is Hettie?”

“Your housekeeper? I will show you later, but she is as you will be later, and quite safe,” Mister Tall said as he heard a car pull up. “But we need to meet your friends as well. Come and let them in – and remember, my friend is with your grandchildren?”

“I need you both to be nice and quiet,” Mister Small said, Lara and Steve nodding as Mister Tall walked Orlagh out of the room, and towards the front door as the bell rang.

“Remember, not a word until they come in,” he whispered, Orlagh nodding as she opened the door and smiled.

“Hey – where’s Hettie?”

“Tied up doing something – come in, both of you.” She stood to the side as two women came in. the taller of the two saw Mister Tall there as Orlagh closed the door, and said “what the…”

“Carol,” Orlagh said quietly, “this is Mister Tall. Mister Tall, my friends Carol and Sheelagh.”

Mister Tall nodded as he looked at the two women. Both were wearing tailored trouser suits and white blouses – Carol a brown one, Sheelagh a black one. They were also both wearing leather stiletto heeled shoes.

“Carol, Sheelagh – I am afraid your plans for the next few hours will have to be rather different. Please, raise your hands, and join everyone in the front room.”

“A robbery?”

“I’m afraid so,” Orlagh said as they walked back into the front room – and watched Mister Small as he finished taking a length of rope between Lara’s legs to tighten the bands that were wrapped round her ankles.

“He’s tying our legs,” Lara said as she saw Steve had his ankles tied in the same way,

“So I see,” Carol said as the masked man stood up. “Welcome ladies – I must ask you at this time to give me your mobile phones, and then ask you to take a seat.”

“Best do as he says,” Sheelagh whispered as she handed over her Google Pixel phone, Carol doing the same before they sat on a smaller couch, and Orlagh returned to their seats.

“Mister Small – perhaps you could make sure the telephone and internet are disabled, and then arrange for some refreshments for these fine people?”

“Of course,” the smaller man said as he walked off, Mister Tall smiling as he said “allow me to explain what is going to happen. Once you have had your drinks, we will finish securing you two,” he said as he looked at Carol and Sheelagh, “and the children while I take Orlagh for a walk round the house. She will then come back and join you, while I put something on to keep you all amused while we leave.”

“I want Hettie to be here with us when that happens,” Orlagh said as she looked at him.

“Of course – please, keep your hands where I can see them everyone, for the moment…”

“Thank you,” Lara said as she took the glass of squash from Mister Small, Steve nodding as he sipped from his own glass.

“Well, if we are going to be quiet later,” Orlagh said as she put her coffee cup down on the saucer, “we’d better have a chat about the event now…”

As the three women talked, and Mister Tall stood by the side, Mister Small took two more lengths of rope from the bag and walked back to where Lara and Steve were sitting. “While you have your drink,” he said with a smile, “I’m going to use these to hold your legs together below your knees, just like your ankles. All right?”

They both nodded as he doubled the first length over, and then fed it under Lara’s legs, wrapping it round them and then pulling it tight before he continued to take the rope round and between her legs. He then secured the ends off behind them, before he did the same to Steve.

“It feels funny…”

“I know – but it can be fun as well. Mister Tall did promise you could watch something later – want to pick something.”

“We could watch Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,” Lara said, “Grandma likes that film as well.”

“Even with the Child Catcher?”

“Especially him,” Steve giggled as Mister Small secured the ends.

“So be it then. Now, drink up – once you have finished, I’m going to tie your wrists together as well, and then wrap some rope round your arms and body so that you really have to stay where you are.”

“I’m glad they are staying so calm,” Sheelagh said.

“So am I – they are at least keeping their word not to hurt us.”

“We are gentlemen of our word,” Mister Tall said as he took the coffee cups from Carol and Sheelagh. “and in that spirit – ladies, kindly sit forward, and put your hands behind your back, wrists crossed.”

“Here we go,” Sheelagh said, Carol nodding as they both leaned forward and moved their hands behind their back. Orlagh watched as Mister Tall took two lengths of rope from the large bag, and then worked to secure the wrists of her friends behind themselves.

He then went back to the bag, taking two longer lengths of rope out and putting one on the back of the seat before he passed the second one round Carol’s arms and body, pulling it tight round her chest..

“Are you going to do that to us as well, Mister Small?”

“Not quite, Lara – I want both of you to hold your hands out in front, wrists together.” As the two children did this, he used more rope to secure their wrists tightly, but firmly together, before he laid them on their laps and then secured them to the rope round their legs with another length.

They watched Mister Tall as he made sure Carol’s arms were secured, the two bands above and below her chest, before Lara said “do we get that as well?”

“Not quite,” the masked man responded. “But I will put some rope around your upper arms, if you want?”

“Can he Granny?”

“all right,” Orlagh said, amazed at how calm both Steve and Lara were as the smaller of the two masked men passed rope round their upper bodies and arms to hold them in place. As he did this, Mister Tall knelt in front of both Carol and Sheelagh, using ropes to secure their own ankles together as well as their legs below their knees.

As he stood up, he said “there now – Orlagh, if you will come with me? Mister Small, I trust you can finish up in here, and then those cabinets are with an investigation.”

“Of course – but first, let me arrange something for these two…”

“One minute – I think you’ve both been very brave,” Orlagh said as she looked at Steve and Lara, “very brave indeed.”

They both blushed as Mister Tall selected several ropes and a bag from the large bag, and then took Orlagh through the door.

“Hettie?”

“Of course,” he said as they walked to the kitchen, and Orlagh saw her housekeeper in the chair. Her arms were around the chair back, and bands of rope heled her waist, arms and upper body in place, her ankles bound and secured to the front leg of the chair, her legs secured bellow her knees.

“Hmmshsshrrehhmhsmhllhnn…”

“It’s all right Hettie – I guess you did not have a choice. They have promised to bring you to join us when they are done.”

Hettie nodded as Mister Tall said “so – let us look in the master bedroom first…”

“I do have to admit – your manners do you credit.”

“We try our best,” Mister Tall said as he emptied the jewellery from a tray into the bag. Orlagh was sat on the bed, her wrists secured together behind her back as she flexed her fingers, and ropes round her upper body, framing her chest as they held her arms firmly in place.

She looked down as her jacket opened up, and then at the masked robber as he replaced the tray, and shut the safe door.

“So you have my jewellery – and I should thank you for allowing me to keep my rings – and my other valuables. I also presume your friend, Mister Small, is taking my silver collection as well.”

“That would be a fair assumption,” Mister Tall said with a smile.

“Well, I guess that is what insurance policies are for – and my grandchildren have not been hurt, so thank you for that.”

“You are most welcome – but I think it is time to return. Shall we?”

Orlagh nodded as she was helped to stand up, and they walked back down the stairs. As they reached the foot, Mister Small came out and said “ah good – we have the film cued, but I think we need to make sure you are secure and quiet first Orlagh.”

“Like the others?”

“Indeed,” Mister Tall said as they walked in. she saw Carol and Sheelagh, both women sitting side by side with white tape covering their mouths.

“Lhhkhthssghrhn.”

She then turned to see that both Lara and Steve had white tape over their mouths as well, but she could also see their smiles under the tape as she sat down, Mister Small kneeling and securing her ankles together, and then her legs below her knees, before he pulled a length of white tape from a roll.

“We’ll talk later,” she said before she pursed her lips. And felt the tug on the skin as the tape was smoothed down over her mouth and chin. As she got used to the sensation, Mister Small pressed on a remote control, Lara and Steve nodding as the film of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang started.

“If you will assist me, Mister Tall.”

“Of course, Mister Small,” the second masked man said as they left the room, and then carried Hettie in, still bound to the chair as they set her down.

“Ladies – and children – the Gentlemen Robbers bid you adieu,” Mister Tall said with a bow, “may we never meet again.”

“Ghddbhhh,” Lara said, waving her hand as the two men left, and then returned her attention to the film.

“Mum? Are you there?”

Orlagh looked to the door as the film came to an end, Lara and Steve calling out “nnhhrrmmhhmm” as her daughter walked into the room.

“I hope they haven’t – oh my god,” she called out as she ran over and peeled the tape away from Lara and Steve’s mouth.

“Two nice robbers called,” Steve said, “and left us to watch the film.”

“Mum?”

Orlagh nodded as her daughter stood up, walked over and removed her gag.

“We’re all fine – call the police, and I’ll explain everything…”

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