Group
Counselling
Although much
of my practice is with families and younger people, it is not exclusively in
that area. Take for example Elaine – as always, not her real name – who came to
see me with her six year old son Danny in tow. Both were dressed in the similar
way – a black vest top for Elaine and a black t-shirt for Danny, with denim
jackets and jeans – but the other obvious thing was that Elaine was well along
in her pregnancy.
After I had
served coffee – and milk – I asked why Elaine had asked to see me. She had
heard of my services from a friend who had been through a session with me to
deal with a home invasion, but she said she had no problems that way. She had,
however, from time to time played tie-up games with her son, and he was wanting
to play such a game – but with both of them, and she wanted to be sure it
happened in a safe way, and a discrete way.
It was a little
unusual, but I could see they were both in agreement for this, so I asked them
to get ready while I went to fetch a roll of white micropore tape. When I got
back, they had both removed their jackets and taken their shoes off, so that
they were both barefoot. I asked Danny if he wanted to go first, and when he
nodded I got him to cross his wrists in front of himself, tore the end of the
roll of tape loose, and secured them together.
As I did that,
he said he could get free easily – and then changed his mind as I wrapped the
tape round his waist as well, holing his wrists together in front of himself
before I added a band round his arms and upper body. He giggled, and then
watched as I did the same to Elaine, her taped wrists sitting on her bump as
she was secured.
They then sat
next to each other on a couch, Danny’s feet hanging over the edge of the seat
as I taped his ankles together, and then his legs above and below his knees –
and then I did the same to his mother as she talked to him, and he said he was
enjoying this game.
I then taped
Elaine’s ankles and legs in the same way, and then I gently smoothed the
lengths of taper over their mouths, before I helped Danny down so that his head
was on Elaine’s lap, and his ear was against her bump.
They had said
they wanted to do this, and I realised – somewhat belatedly – that this was
also a way of bonding for Danny and his new brother or sister. He could hear or
feel any movement and heartbeat, and Elaine smiled as she looked down at him.
They had agreed
to be this way for half an hour, and then I cut them free and gave them some
refreshments – and they thanked me for all I had done.
I’m a serious
psychologist and counsellor, but sometimes a friend makes what may seem an
unusual request for me. Lorna is an old friend, and with her ten year old
daughter Laura’s tenth birthday coming up, she wanted it to be a special day – to
be a princess for the day.
I called on
Lorna with Laura’s present, and found my friend wearing a cornflower blue cap
sleeved dress – and Laura was wearing a blue silk princess dress with silver
shoes.
And that was
when Laura asked if she could be the captive princess.
I looked at
Lorna, who just shook her head and asked if I would do that for her. Well, it
was her birthday… I asked Lorna what I could use, and she gave me a roll of
matching blue silk ribbon.
I told Lorna to
stand up and cross her wrists behind her back, and then cut a length of the
ribbon which I used to secure her wrists together. She smiled and nodded when I
asked if she was all right, and then wound the ribbon round her arms to keep
them against her sides.
Her ankles and
legs were next, after she had sat down, and then I folded a matching scarf into
a wide band and tied it round her head, covering her mouth as her mother
watched. Lorna giggled, then looked at her mother and said “uhshhwhlmhmmheee”
Which is how I
ended up preparing some food and drink while Lorna and Laura struggled next to
each other on the couch, bound and gagged…
As I said,
sometimes it can be fun. There are other times when I think a family is coming
in for therapy together, and then…
Before the most
recent lockdown, I was asked by one of the local police forces to visit a
family that had just experienced a home invasion. They were Steve and Marsha,
and they welcomed me into their home with smiles.
They were in
their mid-thirties, Steve wearing a blue shirt, jeans, and black shoes, while
Marsha was wearing a black dress, dark tights and heeled sandals. When I came
in, I saw their children playing on a mat on the floor. Marsha introduced me to
Tommy and Tina, two year old twins – Tommy wearing a light blue shirt, jeans,
blue socks, and trainers, while Tina had on a blue short sleeved dress, white
tights, and white shoes, with an Alice band that had a bow in her hair.
We sat and
drank coffee while they told me what had happened – they were about to turn in
for the night, the children asleep, when two men burst in and forced them to go
up to the bedroom. They were then bound and tape gagged on the bed, before the
men ransacked the house – but when the twins woke up, one of them brought them
through and put them on the bed between them so that they would not try and
escape.
I could see how
that would be terrifying – but I asked if they understood my methods. They both
did, so I asked if the twins would be taking part.
“No,” Steve
said, “I’ll bring the travel play pen and put them in there, but we want them
to watch, to see we weren’t hurt by what happened – and to get ourselves over
it as well.”
I could see
they wanted this, so I nodded before Steve left the room and brought in a
travel cot, putting the twins in there with their toys as Iopened my supplies
bag, and took out a length of white rope. Doubling it over, I asked Steve if he
would use it to tie his wife’s wrists together behind her back.
This promotes
trust, as Marsha said it would be all right, standing up and turning round as I
instructed Steve in how to pass the rope round her and between her arms so they
wereheld tightly, if comfortably, together.
Steve held her
by the shoulders and asked if she was all right, and Marsha nodded as shebit
down on her lower lip, seeing the long length of rope I had taken from my bag.
But I gave it to Steve, and she relaxed as he wound it round her arms and body,
forming two bands as they were held in place.
She smiled as
he reached round and hugged her, before she sat herself down on the ground with
his help and stretched her legs out. I then gave another length of rope to
Steve, and asked him to cross and tie her ankles together in the same way as
her wrists. Marsha watched as he did this, twisting round before she said “now
I see why I can’t move them apart – this really does work, but I’m not scared.”
“that’s good,”
I said as Steve secured her ankles, and then folded her skirt back at my
instruction before he used a further length of rope to secure her legs together
below her knees. She nodded to show she was all right, before I rolled up a
black scarf and tied a knot in the middle, before handing it to Steve.
Marsha slowly
opened her mouth as he carefully pushed the knot in behind her teeth, then bit
down on it as he tied the band round her head, nodding to show shew as all
right. By now, the twins were watching, as I took a length of rope and stood
behind their father.
Marsha watched
as I bound Steve’s wrists tightly together behind his back, and then secured
his arms to his sides in the same way as his wife. He then sat next to her and
allowed me to gag him with a knotted scarf before I secured his legs round his
ankles and below his knees as well.
It was as I was
taking the rope between his legs and tying to off that I heard the soft thud,
both of my clients looking over to see that Tommy had climbed out of the carry
cot. Marsha looked at me, but as he toddled over and sat next to her he hugged
his mother – and then Tina followed him, so I suggested they just let them play
around them for a while, so that they could see they were not afraid, and they
would not be either.
I did have to
visit one other family that day – they had also been part of a home invasion,
but this was to allow them to relive the experience in a safe way, to get over
the residual feelings about what happened.
Carl is twenty
nine, his wife Joanne a year younger, and they have two children – seven year
old Katy and five year old Ben. They were all casually dressed when I called –
Joanne opened the door to me, wearing a grey blouse with blue jeans and grey
slippers, and then I met Carl in the front room. He was wearing a grey diamond
patterned jumper, grey pants and black shoes.
I asked where
the children were, and Carl told me they were in their bedrooms – that was
where they were when the gang broke in, and they wanted them to start this role
play there. I could understand that, so I said we could start with them – if
they could both stand in front of me, and put their hands behind their backs. I
also assured them, if at any time they wanted me to stop, they should say so –
or, if they could not talk, grunt and shake their heads three times.
That was
because they wanted me to do exactly what was done to them – which meant I had
to use things I would not normally use at first. Those things being plastic zip
ties – putting their hands palm to palm, I used one on each of them to secure
their wrists together, and once they got used to that, I used a second to bring
their arms together behind them at their elbows.
I watched as
they nodded, and then kissed each other, before I picked up my bag and we
walked up the stairs. And no, I was not suggesting using zip ties for the
children – I had something else in mind for them.
We went first
into Katy’s room, where she was sitting on her bed, holding a toy bear. She had
her long blonde hair in a pigtail, and was wearing a pink sweatshirt and white
pants with a black leopard spot print, as well as purple trainers. She looked
at her mother and father, ad then smiled as Joanne said it was time for them
all to play the game.
The only thing
she asked was if Wilbur would be tied up as well – and I found out Wilbur was
the bear. So I asked Katy to put her hands behind her back, before I tied them
tightly together with soft white rope, before wrapping some round her arms and
stomach to keep them in place. She then watched as I used some of the rope to
keep Wilbur’s arms and paws against his sides, and then tied his feet and legs
together before putting him on the bed next to where she was sitting.
Her parents
then watched as I knelt down and tied her ankles together, asking her if she
was afraid – but Katy said no as she watched me take the rope around and
between her ankles, and then two more lengths, above and below her knees,
before she lay down on her side.
“So do we get
to be quiet like when those men came?”
Joanne nodded
as I took a small sponge ball from my nag, and pushed it into Katy’s mouth,
before covering her lips with black tape. I also covered Wilbur’s mouth, before
promising I would bring her to be with her parents later.
Ben was waiting
in her room, wearing a grey Mickey Mouse jumper, blue jeans and trainers. It
only took me a few minutes to make sure he was as secure and as quiet as his
sister, CBeebies in the background as Mister Jolly made him giggle and laugh –
even with his mouth stuffed and covered.
I then took
Carl and Joanne through to their bedroom, and used longer lengths of rope to bind
their arms tightly to their sides before I cut the zip ties away, and bound
their wrists with rope instead.
They then sat
on the bed, gently kissing each other, and talking as I made sure their legs
and ankles were secured in the same way as their children, and then heled them
to lie on the bed before pushing sponge balls into their mouths and covering
their lips with the black tape. I left them to enjoy some quiet time for a few
minutes as I went to check on Katy and Ben, and talk to them as well.
Eventually, I
carried them through to the bed and laid them either side of their parents, and
allowed them to have an hour together to get rid of the last of their fears…
The last case I
want to talk about today was a little unusual – involving three generations. It
was Erica who asked me to meet with them in my consulting rooms – a forty year
old redhead, she arrived wearing a chocolate brown top with white trim, a knee
length camel coloured skirt, and matching sandals.
There were two
other women with her – one twenty, the other sixty. He younger woman she
introduced as her daughter April, the older woman as her mother Sophia. April
had longer hair of the same colour as her mother, and was wearing a floral
print top with white sleeves, a long white skirt with a longer lace overskirt,
and white sandals.
As for Sophia,
she was wearing a floral print housedress that buttoned up the front, with
short sleeves, and tan sandals. As they sat down, Erica explained she had been
caught up in a robbery at work, and had found it difficult to explain to her
daughter and mother how it had felt to be like that – and she had heard I might
be able to help them all experience it together in a safe environment.
Well it is my
way – so I asked if they were comfortable to allow me to what I felt needed to
be done before I asked Erica what had happened. She told me she and her work
colleagues had been taped, and gagged with duct tape, and left there.
So I took from
the drawer some rolls of silver tape, and said this would stick like duct tape,
but not damage clothing. I then asked Erica to put her hands behind her back,
the other two watching in their seats as I crossed and taped her wrists
together, and then wrapped tape round her arms and body in tow bands, framing her
chest as I did so.
She looked at
her daughter and mother, and said she was all right, before April stood up and
allowed me to secure her wrists and arms in the same way. As she twisted round,
the tape crinkled, before Sophia eventually agreed to let me secure her as
well.
So all three
had their upper bodies immobilised – as I asked them to sit next to each other
on the couch, and then to put their feet up on the low coffee table. I then
took a second roll of the silver tape, and secured their ankles together, as
well as their legs below their knees – folding their skirts out of the way and
then folding them back again once I had finished.
I let them talk
to each other, express their feelings, and let Erica explain how she had felt
at the time. Both April and Sophia seemed to understand as they twisted round
and then Erica said it was time to cover their mouths.
And so, one by
one, I covered their mouths with strips of the silver tape, making sure it
formed to the contours of their individual jaw lines, and then let them try to
talk to each other as I observed and made notes.
At least by the
end of the session they had an understanding of what Erica went through – and a
new appreciation for silence…
Return to the Reflections index