Songs in The Key of MMMPPHHHH!
Song 1
With apologies to Mann and Weil
When the world and I were young, just yesterday
Crime was such a simple game a child could play
It was easy then to tell jewel from glass
Easy then to tell weak from strong
When the rope would hold a lass
Or something else went on
But today, there are alarms and cameras
Today, security is much tighter
Today, there is no simple plan
Only their fear and shame
I remember when the victim just sat through
We had no need to use a gun, our face would do
It was easy then to keep them all silent
They would sit and make no complaint
The gags would hold and we would take
Their valuables and their chains
But today, there is Crimewatch UK
Today, there are blogs and they have their say
Today, there is no anonymity
The old days have passed away
It was easy then to know dark from fair
When to take and when to spare
How much time you had to take their stuff
And how fast to run off
But today, there is no finesse or style
Today, there are just threats so vile
Today, she cowers and does not smile
The old days have passed away
They've just passed away…
Song 2
With apologies to Lennon and McCartney
Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, I can't get free up here, help.
When I came home at 6 pm today,
I never saw the masked man standing in the way.
But now I'm in this chair, and cannot move at all,
Now I find I've been robbed blind and I can't get to the door.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling bound,
And I would appreciate being found.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me?
And now I've worked the scarf gag from my mouth,
All I want to do is get back at that lout.
But with my legs, my arms, tied and so well secured,
I know that I need help like I never have before.
Help me if you can, I can't move round,
And I cannto wait now to be found.
Help me, for God's sake come around,
Won't you please, please help me.
The clock strikes 10 as the man walks in the door,
He takes his helmet off and seeks to reassure.
The tears that flow as my wrists are freed are real,
Now I know that I'll be sure of ending my ordeal.
All my jewels are gone, but I've survived,
Thanks for freeing me from my tight bounds.
Now that I can see what has been done
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.
Song 3
with apologies to Chris de Burgh
I've never seen a woman as lovely as you are tonight
Never seem one struggle like that
You were amazing
Ropes around your arms and chest holding you there so tight
With your ankles crossed and secured just right
You never had a chance
And I've never seen that dress you're wearing
Hug your body and your breasts
as it gets stretched tight.
It's quite a sight
Lady in red is tied up for me
Taped 'oer cheeks
There's nobody here
It's just you and me
It's where I wanna be
But I hardly know this beauty by my side
I'll never forget the way you look tonight
Thank you for the jewellery, the money and the cards
Forgive me if I watch you struggling so hard, it's just amazing.
the way your look at me with your pleading eyes
While you moaned and fantasised, it took my breath away
And I have never had such a feeling such a feeling
In my body and my mind, as I do tonight
Lady in red is struggling for me
But you won't get free
There's nobody here
And I'm leaving you now
It's not here I wanna be
But I'll take with me, the beauty of this sight
And I'll never forget the way you look tonight
I never will forget the way you look tonight
The lady in red
lady in red
Lady in red
My lady in red
I love you
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