The Cat Consults







As you know, as well as the antiques trade I also consult on security issues for people if the ask for my input.  Sometimes they know me through the shop, other times it is because I may have been keeping my hand in trade, and then they are referred to me by the police.


That was certainly the case with Nadine – a woman in her late forties, who lives on the outskirts of town.  I was paying her a visit in my original professional capacity after I was asked to obtain a certain piece of silver she had in her husband’s collection – so I drove over one day, wearing the uniform of black jumper and pants, and let myself in by the back door.


I had been reasonably confident she would not be at home – but I was wrong, as I discovered when she walked into the kitchen and saw me there.  She was wearing a long sleeved top, peach coloured and with a pattern on the front as well as a tie at the side, very short cut-off denim shorts, and black clogs – and a startled expression on her face as she saw me there.


Well, I always show due respect, so I said hello, and asked her not to scream or raise the alarm – in return, I promised her she would come to no harm.  That seemed to reassure her, so that when I said it would be necessary to ensure she really could not raise the alarm, she only asked that I allowed her to sit.


So we went to the dining room of the large house, me picking up a roll of silver tape I saw as I passed a table, and then invited her to take a seat on a dining chair, and put her arms by the side of the chair back.  I then tore the end of the roll free, and wrapped it round her wrists so that they were held firmly against the wooden chair back.  Once they were secured, I wrapped it round her waist so that she was held against the chair back, and then round her arms, body and the chair back as well.


She looked at herself and then tossed her head, her long brown hair falling over her shoulders as I knelt down and taped her ankles to the front legs of the chair, then around her legs at the joint by the seat so they were secured in place as well.


I asked her to forgive me as I removed the earrings, pearls, rings and watch she was wearing, placing them in the sack I had brought before I tore several strips of tape free, and then pressed them firmly over her mouth so that she was nice and quiet, while I went around my business.


Having checked she was all right, I left her for her husband to find – only to find myself back at the house a week later, to offer some thoughts as to how to improve their security.  I guess, if I was being cynical, I would say I profited handsomely fr4om both visits – but I am not that way inclined…




It also, strangely enough, led to a visit I was asked to pay to her sister, for a slightly different reason.  Her sister’s name was Doris, and she lived a few miles to the other side of the town – when I called on her, she was wearing a long sleeved grey dress, a long black and white scarf tied loosely round her neck, and natural hose – but no shoes.  In fact, she insisted I take mine off so as not to damage her wooden floor, before we went into her front room and had some coffee.


As we drank, she explained that her sister had told her about what had happened, and it had triggered some memories of a childhood event.  I asked if she would tell me about it, and she told me how she, Nadine and her parents had been held hostage by a gang of bank robbers, until they forced her father to open the vault for them.


I offered my condolences, but she then asked if I would do something – she said Nadine trusted what I had said, so she could trust me.  I asked her what – and she stood up, returned with some cut lengths of washing line, and asked if I could tie her up and gag her.


I asked if she was sure, and she nodded as she handed me the cords.  I stood up, and asked her to lie face down on the couch, with her hands behind her back.  She did this, and then turned her head as I crossed her wrists, and used one of the lengths of cord to secure her wrists together, making sure I cinched the binding.


I then crossed and tied her ankles together in the same way, before I secured her legs together below her knees – and then bent her ankles back and tied them to her wrists.  Doris tried to move, and then acknowledged she was stuck there as I sat and asked her how long she wanted to be like that.


That was when Doris said I had not finished – and I needed to gag her as a burglar would.  Well, her scarf was there, so I removed it and rolled it into a band, then invited her to open her mouth as wide as she could.


I then eased the silk band between her teeth, waiting as she bit down on it before I tied it tightly round her head, trapping her long dark hair as I did so.  She then rolled onto her side and watched as I offered to do a security assessment while I was there.


No, I did not take anything – I was there as a security consultant, after all.




One of my assistants in the store now is a lovely young lady called Elaine – long straw blonde hair, thin figure, and if I was a younger man I would certainly have been attracted to her.  It was as we were doing inventory one day that she asked if I would do her a favour.


I looked at her, in her black lace sleeveless top, crimson corduroy skirt, and red heels, and asked her what the favour was.  She blushed, and then said her boyfriend had asked if she wanted to try a game – but she was not sure if she wanted to do that, and she wanted to try it with someone she trusted.


I asked if she was saying she trusted me, and she nodded as she asked me if I would help her with something.  I then asked the killer question – what exactly?


That was when she asked me if I would tie her up and gag her – in the storeroom.  I looked at her, realised she was serious – and then said I would do so at the end of the day, for an hour.


Which is why, as I locked the door, we both went back into the storeroom, and I located some leather straps that were used for keeping boxes closed.  I invited her to take a seat, and put her hands behind her back, before I used on of the leather straps to secure her wrists together, then a second one round her upper body to keep her arms against her sides.


She then sat on a box, watching as I used two more of the straps to secure her legs together at the ankles and above her knees.  She nodded and then put her lips together before I covered them with some brown packing tape.


That was when the telephone rang – and I went to answer the call as Elaine struggled in her seated position.  When I got back, she was sweating and flushed – so I removed the belts and allowed her some privacy to recover.


Wonder what her boyfriend did?





Anyway, as I have said before, one or two of the more – mature – ladies in the area have employed me to allow them to have some fun.  I know then socially, and they trust me – which is why one early morning recently, I drove to Amy’s home in the early hours of the morning.  I was wearing a checked jacket over a mustard coloured jumper, dark pants and black leather driving gloves, as well as a pair of dark glasses.


Stopping in her driveway, I got out of the car and collected a small leather bag before I looked round, and then walked up to her front door.  Smiling, I turned the handle and let myself in – everything was quiet, just as she had said it would be.


Closing the door behind myself, I slowly, quietly made my way up the stairs and into the master bedroom – opening the door to see Amy lying on her back on the bed, her eyes closed, wearing a black nightdress and apparently oblivious to my presence.


Her greying hair was across her face, so I gently stroked it away – and then as she opened her eyes, I put a gloved hand over her mouth and told her to remain calm, remain quiet – I wasn’t going to hurt her, but I was going to take her jewels.


I smiled as Amy looked at me, and then slowly nodded as I put my bag down on the bed, and asked her if she would scream when I took my hand away.  She shook her head in answer to that, as I removed my hand and opened the bag, telling her to put her hands together in prayer in front of herself.


Opening the bag, I took out a length of white rope, and used it to secure her wrists tightly together, then took her hands above her head and tied the ends of the rope to the headboard.  I then took out a black silk square, folded it into a pad and asked Amy to open her mouth as wide as she could.


She asked me why, and I was honest – I said I needed to make sure she stayed quiet, and this was how.  So she allowed me to push the folded scarf gently into her mouth, the edges sticking out from between her lips while I took some more rope, put her ankles together, and secured them in the same way I had her wrists before tying them to the foot of the bed.


I then asked her to tell me where her valuables were – and she mumbled as she looked round, allowing me to find where her jewels were.  Of course, I wasn’t really taking anything – but it was all part o the game she had asked me to play.


What I had no idea bout was the additional player that was joining us, as the bedroom door opened and Amy’s sister Chloe walked in.  I knew her as well – she was a frequent customer at my antique shop – and she was wearing a short sleeved cream dress with a black patterned hem and neckline, as well as black high heeled sandals.  She saw Amy, and then me, before she raised her hands in the air and said “please don’t hurt me, sir – I’ll do whatever you say, you can tie me up like my sister as well…”


I looked at Amy, who said “htshhlrhhttt” and nodded, so I said to Chloe “all right – put your hands together in prayer, and I’ll make sure you are with your sister for a while.”


“All right,” Chloe said quietly as she watched me bind her wrists tightly together, and then I walked her to the side of the bed and allowed her to lie on her back, before lifting her wrists above her head and securing them to the headboard as well.


“He’s good at this, isn’t he,” she said to Amy as I crossed and bound her ankles together, Amy nodding agreement as I made sure she was as secure as her sister.  I then found a second, white scarf in my bag, and pushed it gently into Chloe’s mouth – but in her case, I eased the silk square completely in, and then made sure Amy had the scarf fully in her mouth as well.




Going to the bag, I took out a roll of white medical tape, and covered their lips with strips before turning on the radio, and leaving them to see if they could get free.  If they did, I would have tea and their breakfast ready for them…



Last week, I was at an antiques fair in Gillingham when the nightmare of a career cat burglar arrived – someone I had visited in the past who recognised me.  Her name was Dorothy, and some twenty years ago I had visited her family home to collect a set of rare prints – leaving her and her mother in law secured in the front room of the house and unable to raise the alarm when I did so. 


So imagine my surprise when she came beside me as I examined some silver snuff boxes, and said “didn’t you steal something from me?”  I looked at her – late forties, wearing a grey cowl dress that head leather lower arms and a leather belt round her waist, dark hose and blue high heeled shoes with an open toe.


“I’, sorry,” I said as I smiled, “would you mind repeating that?”


“You robbed me,” Dorothy said, “not that I’m going to turn you in for that, it’s been too long.  No, I am curious though – what happened to those prints?”


“Went to a private collector, since you asked,” I said with a smile.  “So, no hard feelings?”


“No – but I would like you to do something for me.  I want to feel that feeling of helplessness again – will you do that for me?”


I looked at her, then looked round before I said “are you here with anyone?”


“No – want to grab a bite to eat and talk about it?”


And so it was, later that afternoon, I let Dorothy into my room and invited her to sit on the bed, while I opened a bag of supplies I had picked up before returning. Opening the bag, I took out a skein of rope and unravelled it, then used a pair of scissors to cut s length off before I invited Dorothy to stand up and put her hands behind her back.


I remembered I had made sure she and her mother were really secured, so I started to binding her wrists with the rope, making sure it was really tight.  I then asked her to sit on the bed, and knelt down before I crossed and secured her ankles together in the same way, making sure the rope went between her legs as well.


I then apologised as I folded the skirt of her dress back, and secured her legs together below her knees, before lowering the skirt again.


“Manners?  I remember you were the same with the sun dress I was wearing that day,”


“Your mother had on a pants suit, right?”


Dorothy nodded as I cut a length of rope from the skein, then doubled the rest over and knelt behind her, winding the rope round her upper body so that her arms were held tightly against her sides and her dress was stretched over her chest.  When I had that secured, I helped her to lei on her side and pulled her ankles back, securing them to her chest ropes with the remaining length.


“Yeah – this was what it felt like,” Dorothy said as I took from the bag a black scarf, rolled it into a band and then tied a double knot in the middle, before using it as a cleave gag to help her to remain quiet.  I then watched her for a while as she struggled, the scarf getting wet in her mouth – and then released her before I made coffee and we talked about art.


Is that the time?  You must forgive me – another home visit to make.  Until next time…







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